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I think I like a combo option:
Slappy has to be a winner, doesn't it? But I also like the thought of likening him to a greenish, misshapen half-split nut.
So I am putting my weight behind Slappy Pistachio.
Oh, and Useless Mother****er. Don't forget Useless Mother****er.
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"If there's a god, he's laughing at us.....and our football team..."
"When you look at something through rose colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags."
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