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Given the arrant and epidemic dysfunction of our legal systems, I think a person has to come up with new and more creative ways to handle situations like this. Otherwise, you really don't know how the Grand Jury is going to vote.
Like, for example, when a McDonalds customer starts coming over the counter, you immediately transform into a human chicken. You start hopping around and flapping your arms and clucking and doing that Egyptian head thing (except you go back and forth instead of side to side). That will confuse the attacker until the police arrive.
Or, for example, when a customer appears to be on the verge of violence, you begin screaming at the top of your lungs, "And the Lord said, 'Suzanne Pleshette shall bring forth devastation and giant gourds shall fall from the sky!!! Beware thee, therefore of Suzanne Pleshette!!!'" That way, the perpetrator will hesitate as he or she harkens back to when their grandmother used to watch Suzanne Pleshette movies after church causing mental confusion and giving you ample time to escape through the back where they deliver the meat.
Or, you could remove your trousers. That could work.
FAX
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