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Dear Long Suffering Chiefs Fans:
I am very pleased to now officially be in charge of the greatest team with the greatest fish, check that, I mean fans, in the NFL: the Miami Dolphins.
I staked my claim today by firing head coach Tony Soprano, check that, Tony Sparano, showing everyone in South Florida who is boss. I fired him even though he kicked your midwest country bumpkin butts in Arrowhead. Fear Me, this is my universe now.
I will be interviewing all the big names in coaching: Marv Levy, Marty Schottenheimer, Dick Vermeil, Buddy Ryan, Mike Ditka and Jimmy Johnson for this very lucrative position.
I will also be offering non-trade contracts to Marcus Allen and Joe Montana to see if they'll help me bring some credibility to this Cuban Backwater Swamp Hell. I plan to live in Boca, and only touch down in the stadium parking lot via helicopter.
In the meantime, see you in the draft room, boobs. BTW: I left KC with a wheelbarrow full of money. Literally.
Tell Junior Hunt he can sniff my lemony fresh ass. I'm a headliner again baby!
Sincerely,
Carl "Delano" Peterson
The Big Black Leather Fish of South Florida
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