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I tell you Mr. FAX, if it's good for the Soul to talk about it and let the shit get out then if any thing that's what good these threads can bring.
It may save another persons life just reading OP.
Maybe you can get a release that your looking for. It never hurts to talk things out for therapuetic treatment.
I can say nothing is better than talking to others who have the same experiences in life. Professional help is ideal but others who have dealt with this kind of thing are more to understand and can feel the same way.
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"Those who don't believe in magic will never find it"
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