[cabletech94]

Dude, you've got friends here. Don't forget that.

Originally Posted by KurtCobain

I really thought/think this thread was done for shock value. It's his posting style.

Now that the scare is over however, to the subject at hand :

I think about it a lot. Seems like a good idea sometimes. And it's over the stupidest things. I wig out, and next thing I know I've torn up everything I own and I'm leaning over a bridge praying that I don't survive and break every bone in my body.

Sometimes trying and not succeeding helps. It seems like it wouldn't, you'd feel like even more of a failure, but it helps to know you've made it. I tried to hide it for a long time. Tried to kill myself with oxy or heroin at least five times, family just thought I was getting carried away, they never knew I was trying to die. And it just seemed like Heroin was the closest thing to dying without really being dead. So obviously it was the easiest method.

In anger I'd try to do it out of spite. One time at 16 I drove my car into the little horseshoe creek at top speed on I-70 hoping I'd die. When I regained consciousness, I found the entire car was crush around me, motor in the passenger seat. But I was soooo ****ing mad I was alive.

I tried with knives. But I just didn't have the balls to puncture the skin in the right places.

I've actually never told ANYONE I know besides but doctor this, but I've played Russian roulette with the barrel in my mouth two times.

Everytime I contemplate it in a fight, I would come to and realize I was just doing it for attention. And it makes me feel better to know I really didn't want to do it. And I'm thankful I didn't do anything stupid.

What's so crazy about this though, is if the brian thing is real, is that every since I've been sober and I think about that stuff I always plan on writing a suicide note on chiefs planet. My doctor says that means I'm really not serious about it anymore, and I just want attention from you guys who I sometimes feel your all I have.

I'm glad I've never made that post though. But whenever I sit on the bridge on winner and crysler, I wonder if you guys will know what happened to me. Isn't that ****ing pathetic?