[frankotank]

OK…this is kinda long….but I swear every word is true.
This happened a few years ago. Reading this thread reminded me of this incident.

Went to lunch with a friend (we’ll call him Dave….because his name is….Dave). Ended up at a Churchs’s chicken joint in KC. I was already somewhat apprehensive upon seeing the windows of the door have been boarded up. We get in line behind a black lady. She’s gotta be every bit of 6’ 6”, no joke. Big ole afro too made her look 6’ 9”. She lets us go ahead of her. We order. Made the mistake of getting a large drink. They set my food and a gallon of coke on my tray. I turn to walk away and almost bump into the amazon who is directly behind me. As I’m about to say sorry and step around I look up into her face and she makes the unmistakable facial contortion/burping action that indicates she’s gonna barf. I JERK my tray to the right and sidestep. The gallon of coke slides all the way from the left side of the tray to the right and stops….disaster averted, quick as a cat! The amazon turns to me and daintily puts her index finger to her lips and says…..”Oh my damn!”. (this phrase has now become a part of my daily lexicon)

Dave is still at the counter and is oblivious to this happening. I go sit down wondering…..did she really almost puke on me?! Dave comes and sits down (I’m facing the counter he’s facing the street) and I tell him what just happened. He’s laughing about it when I see the amazon turn and run down the hallway and throw open the bathroom door. Immediately retching sounds emanate from said bathroom, door still hanging open. A black gentleman sitting in the booth across from us freezes with a chicken leg half way to his mouth. He sits there listening for maybe 5 seconds……then stands up, throws his chicken leg onto his plate and SCREAMS……. “JUS LIKE THAT?! ALL LOUD LIKE THAT?! WIF THE MUTHA****ING DO OPEN?!”

By this time me and Dave are pretty much dying laughing. We’re sitting there still chuckling when the amazon makes her way from the bathroom back to the counter. We watch her as she proceeds to order a bunch of food. She again daintily put here finger to her lips and was like...."Yeah um um er uh, gimme some a them mashed taters and um er uh"....etc This just cracked us up even more. I mean, hey, her stomach was most certainly empty. Why wouldn’t she be hungry? So she orders her food and leaves the premises. This has already been one bizarre and funny lunch outing…..but wait! There’s more!

There are maybe 10 people still sitting in the restaurant. Dave and myself happened to be the only caucasions….not that there’s anything wrong with that….. It starts to rain, I mean it starts to POUR. Just a gully washer. We’re sitting there eating and the door opens and you just hear all that rain pounding….sssshhhhhhhh. This black guy walks in just dripping wet. He makes a line straight for me and Dave. He walks past everyone else in the restaurant and comes right up to our table and leans right down into our faces. Red red eyes….so very red. We are stunned and very still and after a few seconds he puts his fingers to his mouth in a smoking gesture and says…..”Hey man, either of you dudes got a smoke?”. We both cautiously say no. He turns and again bypasses everyone else in the restaurant and opens the door…..ssshhhhhhhhh….and he’s gone.
We sat there and laughed like frigging lunatics. We’re like WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!!!?

I don’t go to Church’s anymore…..