The Gospel of Welker, the 12th chapter:
In the afternoon Tom rode into Foxboro on a Bentley, where he met with his disciples and practiced at the stadium. A prosperous receiver named Deion approached him and said, "QB, see that I have faithfully stood by you this long while, and did catch your passes in important games, earning Super Bowls. My faith in you is strong! I will pray to your Father Belichick for a long term contract and more money, so that we might continue to do good works!" But Tom waved his hand and said, "Foolish receiver, have you not understood anything I have taught you? Go out and seek your large contract if you value it more than your faith in me!" And so Deion did leave Foxboro and found a large contract in the land of Seattle, where his faith was troubled and he did lose many games.
Seeing what just took place, an even more prosperous receiver named Randy, desiring to earn favor with the QB after having already found his large contract, approached the QB and said, "QB, see that I have acquired many statistics over a long and prosperous career, and see that my skills are still sharp and have not waned. Bestow upon me half of your blessed throws, and I will make you the undisputed greatest quarterback in the history of man!" But Tom waved his hand and said, "Get behind me, Satan, for your motivations are not out of devotion to me and my Father, but for your own earthly cred and swag!" And so Randy was taken out of the stadium and banished to the land of Minnesota, where he did squander his talent and skills, and lose all of his cred and swag.
However, a poor undrafted receiver named Julian was afraid of Tom. He spoke to him saying, "QB, I have no skills, and my skin is pale white. I have no swag and no cred. But I will follow you and will always love you, and I will do everything asked of me by your Father on the sideline, even play special teams and reserve cornerback." Tom looked upon Julian and smiled. He said, "Child, your faith has become your cred and swag. You are now strong, and will receive my blessings on primetime regular season games and in the playoffs. Go now and catch my throws."
Good news spread of this moment, and soon Deion did return to Foxboro seeking the forgiveness of Tom, and it was granted. Deion did no longer seek his large contract, seeing his faith in Tom as sufficient for his success. And he was blessed and did play in another Super Bowl.
The Gospel of Welker. Glory to the Patriot Way.
Originally Posted by Reaper16
I would read an entire blog of SNR breaking down athletes' musical capabilities like draft scouting reports.