One I get a lot from my dad is "You'd screw up hogans goat" but any more when I do something stupid he just baa's at me.
My grandpa has hundreds but some of my personal favorites
- "Ill stomp a mud hole in your ass and walk it dry"
- "I could shit through a screen door and not hit a wire"
- "You're windier than a bag full of assholes"
- "Hotter than two rats ****ing in a wool sock"
- When something irritates him: "If you had that and a feather up your ass we'd both be tickled"