The time I helped my dad buy a suit for my wedding. He looked at the price, and the salesman:
"My butthole ain't lined in gold!"
I could share about the time I was 12 and my dad told me his current wife's (his third) pussy smelled like a rotten toilet.
Or the time he told me I could have any one of a million dads but only one mom. My mom found great offense in this, my dad failed to see what he'd really said.
Or my youngest brother being about 10 and complaining about his teacher. "Is she feeding you? Is she ****ing you? Then she don't matter...."
"Buy you books and send you to school and all you think about is ****ing the teacher..." My dad told me when I was in 5th grade.
I can go all day...