Originally Posted by dirk digler
My mom was 77, had Parkinson but otherwise was in good health. They needed to remove her colon due to an infection she received in the nursing home, she said no. I asked her why a hundred times and she never gave a reason. My guess is dealing with a bag on her side was not lady like, downstream implications of not having a colon + having Parkison's so she chose to die and go to Heaven. Her exact words were "I am ready to go be with Jesus."
I am sorry for your loss. I hope you know I wasn't trying to imply anything with regards to your late grandmother's intentions. I do hope you somehow find peace with the situation.
I will say that I lost my own grandmother about 8 years ago, and it ended up being my religious undoing. I was closer to my late grandmother in many ways than my own mother. My grandmother had more responsibility in raising me and giving me my core values than any other person in the world. When she was gone, I guess I had some type of expectation that she would still be with me, and she would still be aware of how my life was going. But my experiences following her death essentially caused me to give up on my religion and seek my own form of enlightenment.
I understand what you're going through. And it really sucks. But my advice would be to keep talking about it even if you don't understand what you're feeling, and don't try to bury your emotions. It will take a long time, but it will get better. Take comfort knowing that you'll never forget all the ways she affected your life, and her knowledge and ideals are now part of you, and make you the person you are.