yeah, I generally regard Phil's advice as very well thought out and sound. I am going to follow it. I will call her regularly every week or two, and I'll keep the conversation very clear of the BF. In fact it'll be very trivial talk about the kids and such. Thanks to all of you for your input. Hollidays shouldn't have to be ruined by things like this, but such is life. I'm looking at this as just another lesson life gives me that will help me to do something better next time a difficult situation arises. Happy Thanksgiving all.
Tooge, the bummed out