Back when Dune first came out, I was an E-nothing in the Navy, living on the ship. It was not a happy time in my life - my ship was gearing up for a 7 month deployment, I was dead broke, and the day after Dune opened I was scheduled to begin mess-cranking, which is three months of slavery to the cooks that every enlisted man goes through, which involves 17-18 hour days every single day. The only thing I had to look forward to was seeing my favorite book turned into a movie. I can't ever remember so looking foward to something. I was young, and naive, and had never before heard of David Lynch. I just knew the movie would be wonderful. I went to the earliest showing I could make, sat anxiously in the theater waiting for it to start.
Then, unfortunately, it started.
From Irulan's opening, monotone, "Oh I forget" monologue, I knew something was amiss. But Leto and Paul were okay. But the dude from Excalibur (Patrick Stewart) as Gurney Halleck? He's not lumpy and ugly! Did these idiots even read the book? Then they had the ****tarded blocky shields, which even by 1985 FX standards were awful. Seriously? And who is this ****ing clown playing Baron Harkonnen? He's not sinister, there's no deep, rumbling base voice, and HE'S NOT EVEN ALL THAT FAT. Holy shit. And it just kept getting worse. And worse. AND WORSE. Weirding modules? WHAT IN THE BLUE **** IS A WEIRDING MODULE????? Sound weapons? That shit wasn't in the book! The Fremen didn't just blindly accept Paul and Jessica because they wandered along. And who casted this turd? The guy playing Stilgar is the worst actor I've ever seen. Whole sections of the book are missing - principal characters are missing. And after all that bullshit, at the end.... it rains? IT ****ING RAINS? IT DIDN'T RAIN ON ARRAKIS FOR GENERATIONS IN THE BOOKS! **** YOU **** YOU **** YOU AAAAAAAAHHHHHH
I wanted to throw myself in front of a bus when I walked out of the theater that night. I would have never dreamed it was possible to so totally and completely **** something up that much. To take something so good and make it into something so bad. GODDAMN YOU LYNCH THERE ARE NO EXCUSES BURN IN HELL.
And that's why I hate this movie.