Originally Posted by saphojunkie
Of course it's the woman's choice. You're not being progressive, just kind of douchy. If it's really the woman's choice to you, then why are you going to ask? If she wants to get married, she can bloody well ask you.
The truth is, you are sticking with SOME tradition - as in, you're the one asking. You get a ring, too? You think a woman is a raccoon and needs a shiny object to keep her distracted while you circle the tree?
If you don't want to ask the parents, fine. But I would sincerely suggest you get off your high horse and at least talk with them about it first.
Just a way to say, "look, I wanted you to know that I have thought about this, and I am not going into this impulsively or without a plan. I hope you will be happy about it."
You're not giving them a say, but you are showing respect. Just remember, you're going to have to see these people for a long time. You will see them infinitely more than your own family, in my experience.
I'm going to ask her because it's my choice, too. Yes, I'm not abandoning all tradition. I think a ring is a great symbol of the marriage. But I don't see the point in asking the father. We are on good terms. I show respect for them in many ways and respect for his daughter in many ways. He would only say yes, and if he said no, then what? We would still be married and it would be really weird. This courtship has gone on long enough that if he had reservations, they would have been expressed long ago.
I don't anticipate ever telling my daughter that the person she wants to marry should get my permission or blessing first.