Russ Lande axioms for modern living:
--Always buy the extended warranty
--Spit works better than Astroglide
--Can't taste the difference between aspartame and table sugar
--China is the world's preeminent manufacturer of high quality, durable goods
--Wal-Mart offers their employees a standard of living and security unmatched in the developed world.
--Maryland's football uniforms are understated and elegant.
--Luke Hochevar is a runaway favorite for AL Cy Young
--Hawk Harrelson is his model broadcaster, a true arbiter.