I am truly sorry guys...
It is with an enormous sense of abashed guilt that we, the Jayhawk Nation, reach out to you today.
For years now, we've been enjoying what one would have to call a hearty guffaw at the many and varied and colorful conspiracy theories you've trotted out to explain away the vast chasm or gulf that exists between the accomplishments of your men's basketball program and that of ours.
We always thought that was nothing more than a product of superior skill and hard work on the part of our coaches and players. Of course, you always told us otherwise; that the reason was actually attributable to a shadowy, sinister, Machiavellian network of nameless individuals in the Big 12 and the NCAA who gave us -- and us alone, among all the Big 12 and D1 institutions -- preferential treatment and looked the other way at our many sleazy, sordid, underhanded trangressions .
Oh, yes, we all laughed at what we regarded as your delusional, dim-witted dementia. 'No collection of supposedly college educated adults could, with a straight face, possibly claim to believe such a puerile, sophomoric raft of ridiculous foolishness that would embarrass the intelligence of some addle-brained seventh-grader' was our general mindset over here.
But laugh we can, no more.
With this latest revelation in the NCAA's investigation into your coach, Frank Haith's, dealings while there in Miami, it is incumbent upon those of us who still cherish the qualities of honesty and truth to now come forward and admit that we can no longer deny what is now so transparent. That you were right all along.
How is it possible for us to continue to deny the obvious -- that we have, indeed, set up a program to plant fans and graduates of our institution inside the NCAA and the Big 12? With financial restitution supplied to them from funds obtained through the 'Ticket Scandal'.
It has been they who have paid off the Big 12 referees to give us 'all the calls' over these past 17 years.
It was they who have allowed our coaches to bend and break the rules with total impunity.
It was they who maliciously went after an innocent and trusting Norm Stewart and Quin Snyder and placed your program on probation without just cause.
It was they who looked the other way when Ricky Clemons claimed he had accumulated 20 or 30 credit hours in one semester of summer school some years back. All with the plan to get him enrolled at your school and, later, bring epic embarrassment to it.
It was they who put into place the program to deny your men's basketball team the 2012 men's basketball regular season championship on your way to the Southeast Conference.
It was they who were responsible for placing your team in the West Regional last year and pairing you up with Norfolk State, while allowing us a free run to the Final Four and the title game.
There are, of course, many more such disturbing revelations. And they'll be certain to come out later.
Magnanimity is one of mankind's most noble qualities, Tiger fans. So, at this time, I call upon my fellow Jayhawk fans here on Phog.net to now humbly ask for you to search your collective consciences and forgive us for what our avarice and moral turptitude has wrought upon your basketball program.
Very truly yours,