The whole Vatican would be turned into a tourist trap...anyone could visit any room in the whole place, even the secret ones.
Wear the Shroud of Turin for an hour, only 10 bucks! Of course it wouldn't be the real Shroud, but they put fake Declarations of Independence on display so who cares?
Donate 50 bucks to the Church and you can wear the Papal gear, go on the huge balcony and wave to everyone. Throw the hat, we have extras!
At random public appearances I'll have mock lightsaber duels with a guy dressed as the devil. Sometimes he'll win, only to have God resurrect me. I get up and stab the devil in the back. It'll be like the random gunfights at Silver Dollar City, just with God stuff.
Get baptized by the Pope! $19.99, free if you're under 5!
Alex Smith's current 9.8 YPC is one of the lowest marks in the NFL over the last 10 seasons. Only a few QBs have been worse:
Ryan Mallett (9.8), Derek Carr (9.4), Christian Ponder (9.8), Brady Quinn (9.8), Ryan Fitzpatrick (8.6), Brodie Croyle (9.7), Charlie Frye (9.7), Bruce Gradkowski (9.4), David Carr (9.2)