Originally Posted by aturnis
HEY! Your face is retarded!
Well, no one called me out on this... this is a (with my changes) word for word reprint of an actual article about a gay soccer player coming out which I found to be pretty funny. I played soccer my entire life (club level in college, I'm not that good... but some of the guys I played with were ex-college players) and I just can't see being gay as anything close to a big deal in the American soccer community. Maybe there is some MASSIVE cultural shift once you get past college into the pros... but I doubt it. So, I thought it'd be fun to rewrite the story as a parody for Zach's benefit and the bastard didn't bite! Well played sir, well played.
Here is the real story for anyone who cares...
I guess my career as a writer for the Onion is over before it ever began!