[Hammock Parties]

1. I never trade for Alex Smith in the first place. I still have pick #34. **** your rules.

2. I trade 1.1 to the Arizona Cardinals, who are in dire need of an OT. I practically give the pick away, receiving 1.7, 2.38 and 4.103. That's a net loss of 900 points in draft value, but I do it anyway, because I'm a balla ass GM, mother****er, and I about to slay this draft.

I now have the following picks, and use them so:

1.7 - WR Tavon Austin
2.34 - QB Geno Smith
2.38 - DE Margus Hunt
3.63 - TE Travis Kelce
3.96 - DE William Gholston
4.99 - LB Nico Johnson
4.103 - S Shamarko Thomas
5.134 - WR Ryan Swope
6.170 - RB Kenjon Barner
6.204 - FB Tommy Bohanon
7.207 - QB Zac Dysert

Look at that ****ing goddamn haul.

I've addressed QB.

I've addressed WR.

The DL is LOADED with athletic freaks.

I've added the perfect complement to Eric Berry.

I've got a potential starter at ILB and at TE.

I've got the perfect true fan developmental WR, who also happens to be an extreme badass who runs like a ****ing gazelle.

I've got a really nice backup RB (that isn't a brokedick, and isn't picked too high) who is going to rape faces on the same field with Tavon Austin and Jamaal Charles.

And last but not least...holy shit, I took TWO QBs in the same draft, something this dumbass mother****ing franchise has never heard of, let alone contemplated.

Oh, I've still got my 2nd round pick in 2014.

**** Alex Smith. **** Eric Fisher. And most of all...**** John Dorsey.

I am the way and the light. Bump this post in three years, and drop to your knees.