Quote:
Originally Posted by Saul Good
Can't wear leather belts because cow hides don't get long enough
Changed religions to avoid fasting
Switched to Catholicism just for the wafers
He ate the bones
Tired of never being invited to parties to play drinking games, he invented eating games
Swallowed a horse to catch a cow. Swallowed a cow to catch a dog. Swallowed a dog to catch a cat. Swallowed a cat to catch a bird. Swallowed a bird to catch a spider. Swallowed a spider to catch a fly. Why did he swallow a fly? Because he's a fat **** who will eat anything that doesn't eat him first.
Never swims because he has never gone an hour without eating.
Always wondered why his ukulele sounded weird...found out it was a cello.
Once laughed so hard milkshake came out his nose
Ate his grandmother's entire gold coin collection in hopes that one would contain chocolate
Once faked being in a coma just so he could have his own feeding tube
Actually shot his fridge because it was mad at it for being empty
Orders a diet Coke to go with his 5 Big Macs and large fries from McDonalds so he doesn't seem like such a fat turd...secretly fills up his cup with regular Coke.
Encourages people to say grace before meals just so he can sneak food from their plates while their eyes are closed
Sucks on his own fat tits regularly just in case milk comes out
Would out drink hootie, but time spent drinking is time not spent eating...so that's out.
Trains for pie eating contests
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Where are you getting this shit? I mean, I realize you wrote the refrigerator one, but the rest - some of that is really clever.
Too clever for a nasty failure of a trust fund baby to write.