Thread: ChiefsPlanet Let's hear it for the Mods
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Old 04-17-2013, 10:11 AM   #257
Thig Lyfe Thig Lyfe is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Thigpen's America
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Phobia View Post
I skimmed through this pretty quickly and somehow missed the entire paragraph devoted to thanking a particularly generous and merciful mod for not actually banning you for 5 months and keeping it under 3 days. I'm sure it was very well-written and heartfelt. You're very welcome, Mr. President of some shitty country nobody cares about.
Of course, how thoughtless of me. It is only right that I pay tribute to the man who, despite wielding supreme power as moderator of an online football message board, exhibited supreme benevolence by not banning me for five months for posting twenty (20) extra-large, high quality images of a Long John Silver’s combo meal.

This man, of course, is the godlike figure known by the lowly commoners as Phobia. He is a man of unlimited wisdom, of unfathomable strength, of unimpeachable morals. A man who is clearly far more intelligent and thoughtful than I, and yet who doesn't hold his countless superior qualities over my head or the simple mind which it contains.

Sometimes I think about all Phobia has given me, and I am rendered powerless. I drop to my knees, weeping, thankful to be watched over by such a loving Mod. I wish only to serve Him.


Why do we honor Phobia?
He is our superior in every way, and has given us all we have.

How do we honor Phobia?
By behaving as Phobia would: kind, modest, thoughtful. Also by not posting twenty (20) JPEGs of fried seafood.

When do we honor Phobia?
At all times, until the end of time.


Indeed, Phobia is so wise and powerful, he is able to influence my entire worldview in a single post. Until today, I had thought South Africa was a beautiful nation whose bloody yet compelling history is rife with devastating lessons about society and the very nature of humanity. But with the click of a button, Phobia showed me the light. South Africa is indeed a shitty country nobody cares about. Suddenly all the time I spent studying the works of Biko, Gordimer, Mphahlele, and Coetzee felt like a big stupid waste. Man, what a bunch of dummies.

And so, as He has deigned to address me directly, I feel I must thank Phobia for his mercy.

Thank you, Phobia.

I love you.

This is my testimony.

Amen.
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