ChiefsPlanet - View Single Post - Posnanski: Peterson delivers his state-of-team address

**gblowfish** · 04-17-2005, 08:33 AM

Dear Greatest Fans in the NFL:

"JoePos" didn't get access to enough column space to list the rest of my distinguished accomplishments and immediate goals. That bulbous fat pig Whitlock must have eaten up too much room in the damn paper this morning. I loathe him. THANK GOD my daughter is already married so that egotistical windbag can't get his grubby barbecue soaked fingers on her.

I digress. Here are some of my hall of fame worthy accomplishments in which I take the most pride. I'm sure if Jack Steadman is put in the ring of honor, I should get an entire deck section all to myself someday!:

• Chiefs franchise record for consecutive home game sell outs.
• Bringing additional revenue to Arrowhead with concerts and events like Michael Jackson & Billy Graham. Uh...I hope that wasn't a double bill. Somebody bring me my notes...
• Bringing quality NCAA football to Arrowhead like Pitt State vs NWMSU.
• Raising ticket prices 17% in one year. Major cajones!
• Getting $28 a car for parking...and I don't even own the parking lot!
• Counseling players like Bam Morris, Andre Rison and Tamarick Vanover and not being served with a subpoena even once!
• Working diligently on critical organizational issues, such as the texture, flavor and cheesyness of nachos; quality of music and choreography for game day presentation, the specific amount of ice placed in paper cups to maximize soft drink vending profits, and the frequency of dry cleaning KC Wolf's costume to balance cost vs stench.
• Leading the charge for Bi-State II, Bi-State III, Bi-State IV or whatever the hell it takes for us to get relief from the squalid conditions that our disadvantaged millionaire and billionaire fans must endure. I will not rest until a new luxury stadium is built, PSL's are in place, and corporations own each and every seat from the twenty yard line to the twenty yard line. This is my pledge to you, the best fans in the NFL.
• Getting sixteen year for my five year plan; failing; then getting a four year contract extension; all without a Super Bowl appearance.
• I have decided to change my title from "President/General Manager/CEO/Poop Does Not Stink Poohbah" to: "Longest Tenured General Manager in Professional Sport." I believe that says it all.

Swim in my wake, playah hatah's. The five year plan is now a twenty year plan!

Just a reminder: Your next season ticket payment is due on April 18th.
Pay up and

, bitches. Did I mention you're the best fans in the NFL?

Your Pal,
Carl "Delano" Peterson
LTGMIPS

04-17-2005, 08:33 AM	#17
gblowfish Be Kind To Your Pets Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Glorious Independence, MO Casino cash: $17666178 VARSITY	Dear Greatest Fans in the NFL: "JoePos" didn't get access to enough column space to list the rest of my distinguished accomplishments and immediate goals. That bulbous fat pig Whitlock must have eaten up too much room in the damn paper this morning. I loathe him. THANK GOD my daughter is already married so that egotistical windbag can't get his grubby barbecue soaked fingers on her. I digress. Here are some of my hall of fame worthy accomplishments in which I take the most pride. I'm sure if Jack Steadman is put in the ring of honor, I should get an entire deck section all to myself someday!: • Chiefs franchise record for consecutive home game sell outs. • Bringing additional revenue to Arrowhead with concerts and events like Michael Jackson & Billy Graham. Uh...I hope that wasn't a double bill. Somebody bring me my notes... • Bringing quality NCAA football to Arrowhead like Pitt State vs NWMSU. • Raising ticket prices 17% in one year. Major cajones! • Getting $28 a car for parking...and I don't even own the parking lot! • Counseling players like Bam Morris, Andre Rison and Tamarick Vanover and not being served with a subpoena even once! • Working diligently on critical organizational issues, such as the texture, flavor and cheesyness of nachos; quality of music and choreography for game day presentation, the specific amount of ice placed in paper cups to maximize soft drink vending profits, and the frequency of dry cleaning KC Wolf's costume to balance cost vs stench. • Leading the charge for Bi-State II, Bi-State III, Bi-State IV or whatever the hell it takes for us to get relief from the squalid conditions that our disadvantaged millionaire and billionaire fans must endure. I will not rest until a new luxury stadium is built, PSL's are in place, and corporations own each and every seat from the twenty yard line to the twenty yard line. This is my pledge to you, the best fans in the NFL. • Getting sixteen year for my five year plan; failing; then getting a four year contract extension; all without a Super Bowl appearance. • I have decided to change my title from "President/General Manager/CEO/Poop Does Not Stink Poohbah" to: "Longest Tenured General Manager in Professional Sport." I believe that says it all. Swim in my wake, playah hatah's. The five year plan is now a twenty year plan! Just a reminder: Your next season ticket payment is due on April 18th. Pay up and , bitches. Did I mention you're the best fans in the NFL? Your Pal, Carl "Delano" Peterson LTGMIPS Last edited by gblowfish; 04-18-2005 at 09:50 AM..
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