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Sorry for the position you find yourself in right now. This is never an easy choice.
My wife and I have to do the same thing today with one of our dogs, his system is just shutting down after his immune system went into overdrive and started killing all of this red blood cells. We've tried everything but to no avail.
The way you can tell if it's time is that your pet will stop doing anything, eating, playing, etc., that it normally enjoys. So if your cat loves to play with string and stops doing so it's a good indication that it's time.
Considering that she is not eating would indicate that she's ready to go. This is never easy and I wish you and your family the best in this tough time.
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“There is no absolute knowledge. And those who claim it, whether they are scientists or dogmatists, open the door to tragedy.” - Jacob Bronowski, The Ascent of Man
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