[BigRock]

Originally Posted by BigRock

I might actually have one or two of those in an old Word file somewhere. I'll look, but it'll take me a while.

I wasn't actually looking all this time, but I found a few. Another I'll post in it's own thread 'cause it's classic. But here's some more Hackett stuff. Just the fake letters, not the picks part.

The text was a little messy... I think it was from old newspapers getting scanned in as documents. But I cleaned it up as best I could.

Through a strange quirk of fate, a letter written by Chiefs offensive coordinator Paul Hackett that was intended for Joe Montana got delivered to my home. I accidentally opened it before looking at the name on the envelope. Thought you might find it interesting.

Dear Joe:

Hey, how ya doing, buddy? This is Paul Hackett. In case you’ve forgotten, we met many years ago in San Francisco. I was your quarterbacks coach with the 49ers in the early 1980s and later was your offensive coordinator in Kansas City. White guy, balding, about 6 foot 1, 190 pounds, wears glasses. You remember me, right?

In San Fran, I was the guy who always made sure you had a fresh ball to toss in warm-ups. I cleaned the dirt out of your cleats. At halftime I’d get your water and tell you how great you were playing. I did pretty much the same thing for you in Kansas City, except they let me sit up in the press box and wear headsets during the game.

Remember? You used to call me “Coach Hack”.

Anyway, Joe, I’m writing because I’m having some problems and I could sure use your help.

This playcalling thing has gotten a lot rougher since you went away. I never really got the hang of it in Dallas or at the University of Pittsburgh. But man, it was a cinch back when you were slinging passes.

I don’t want to bad mouth a friend of yours, but hey man, it’s tough calling plays for Steve Bono. You never know where he’s going to sling it. He’s killing our receivers. And he’s got all the defensive players mad at me. A couple of weeks ago, Derrick Thomas threatened to kick my you-know-what, and Neil Smith said he’d love to help him.

Today, Reggie White and the Green Bay Packers come to Kansas City. It’s a big game. If the offense stinks today, I’m afraid Thomas and Smith might do something rash. Something I’ll regret.

The game is going to be on national TV. I was wondering if you could watch the game on the tube and if I could call you from time to time during the game and ask you which play I should call? Or, if you’re really not too busy, think about flying out here. I’ll save you a seat next to me.

Sincerely,
Paul Hackett

P.S. Tell Jennifer I said hi. If she doesn’t remember me, tell her I’m the guy who used to drop off and pick up your dry cleaning every Thursday.

According to my well-placed source within Arrowhead Stadium, upon returning Monday to Kansas City from Cleveland, site of the Chiefs’ embarrassing 35-17 defeat, head coach Marty Schottenheimer scolded his offensive coaches.

During a coaches only meeting, Schottenheimer verbally undressed offensive coordinator Paul Hackett, demanding to know what is wrong with the West Coast offense.

By means best left unstated, I got my hands on a memo Hackett faxed to Schottenheimer later in the week.

To: Marty Schottenheimer
From: Paul Hackett
Subject: West Coast Offense
Date: September 27, 1995

Dear Marty:

First let me start off by saying thank you. Thank you for talking Carl into letting me ride the team plane back to Kansas City from Cleveland. Carl’s threat – demanding that I hitchhike back – was an overreaction to a very tough loss.

Also, thank you for providing me and my family with a 24 hour security force. Although I’m sure most of the defensive players are joking when they say they’re going to hurt me and my family, my wife feels much safer with a SWAT team protecting our home.

Marty, again, your class and dignity in these trying times is something I’ll never forget. Thank you.

Now, as for your questions regarding problems with the West Coast offense, to be honest, I don’t know what the problem is. As you well know, I developed a reputation as an “offensive genius” because I happened to be coaching the quarterbacks in San Francisco at the same time Bill Walsh was the head coach of the 49ers.

Those were great days back then. Joe Montana was in his prime. Bill came up with brilliant game plans. And I rode Joe and Bill’s coattails into some great coaching opportunities.

I really appreciate you guys giving me this opportunity after I bombed as head coach at the University of Pittsburgh and as the pass-offense coordinator of the Cowboys. Again, thank you.

Now, although I can’t explain what’s wrong with our offense, I do know how to fix the problem. Secretly, I have talked to some of my friends in the 49ers’ organization. The 49ers are willing to pull off a blockbuster trade that I think will really benefit our offense.

If we send the 49ers Derrick Thomas, Neil Smith, Dan Saleaumua, Kimble Anders, our starting offensive line, and our next five first-round draft picks, they’ll send us Jerry Rice.

I think it’s a pretty good deal.

Your friend,
Paul Hackett