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Old 09-25-2008, 09:28 AM   #11
CoMoChief CoMoChief is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2005
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> A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could
> hardly speak.
>
> After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
>
>
> The monsignor replied, 'When I am worried about getting
> nervous On the
> pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If
> I start to get
> nervous, I take a sip.'
>
>
> So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
> At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a
> drink.
>
> He proceeded to talk up a storm.
>
>
> Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the
> following note
> on the door:
>
> 1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
>
> 2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
>
> 3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
>
> 4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
>
> 5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
>
> 6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
>
> 7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as
> Daddy, Junior
> and the spooky.
>
> 8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.
>
>
> 9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his
> donkey, don't say
> he was stoned off his ass.
>
> 10)We do! not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'
>
> 11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said,
> 'take this and
> eat it for it is my body.' He did not say ' Eat
> me'
>
> 12 The recommended grace before a meal is not:
> Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for
> the grub, Yeah God.
>
> Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at
> ST.Peter's not a
> peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
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