ChiefsPlanet - View Single Post - Football Latest Theory On Carl Peterson Returning To The NFL

**gblowfish** · 10-20-2011, 09:10 AM

Dear Chiefs Fans:

I just wanted you all to know, that I've been doing quite well in my current pursuits. My chairmanship of USA Youth Football has gone swimmingly. Not one, I repeat, not one pre-teen has defeated me in any contract talks or hold outs. I have crushed all their agents -as usually their agent is their best friend or older brother- in one on one negotiations. These negotiations usually involve smacking a yardstick repeatedly on the table, berating the child with vulgar obscenities they've never heard before and threatening to either take their lunch money, steal their bike or have their parents deported, depending on which tactic gains the most traction.

My FanVision system -which I co developed with Miami Dolphins owner Stephen Ross- is going great guns. We hope it will soon be deployed in all BCS Bowl game sites for 2012, and our next generation, Version 2.0, should have the ability to reach down a fan's throat, and forcibly remove his soul. Much like I did during my tenure as Chiefs GM. Heh...a little GM joke.

As to my future, Mr. Ross has been involved in conversations with me about taking the reins of the Miami Dolphins and restoring that once great franchise to its former glory. That, as you well know, is my specialty. Here is my Five Step Guaranteed Plan to re-build the Dolphins.

1) Announce a five year plan to return the Dolphins to Super Bowl glory. Do my best to extend that plan x 4.

2) Draft Andrew Luck. Then fight with his agent for an entire NFL season, allowing luck to re-enter the draft in 2013. Downside is, we lose out on a franchise QB. Upside is, I show the entire player representative world that King Carl is back and is NOT to be trifled with.

3) Raise ticket and parking prices in Miami by 800% over a five year period.

4) Get Florida International to play University of Central Florida every year in the Dolphins stadium.

5) Update my black leather wardrobe, re-decorate my Dolphin GM office in black leather, and review wife's current level of hotness in black leather. If she can no longer "raise Lazarus from the dead" -as we say in the Peterson Household- begin scouting South Beach in earnest for a suitable replacement. Note to self: order black leather speedo from Nordstrom's.

In closing, I wanted to remind you all that I left Kansas City literally toting a wheel barrow full of money. A wheel barrow full.

When I FAP, I tidy up with a $100 bill that YOU paid for.

I hope you Chiefs fans are happy now with "Junior" Hunt and The Big Tuna's son-in-law at the helm. I will make it my personal raison-d'etre to crush them both as I serve the Greatest Fans in the NFL, Miami Dolphin fans. In the meantime, don't fall off the turnip truck, you inbred, corn fed, bible belted, buck toothed, mouth breathing, slack jawed crotch scratchers.

A HA HA HA HA HA!!!!

Your Pal,
Carl "Delano" Peterson
Formerly LTGMIPS
and soon to be
Dictator For Life
Miami Dolphins

10-20-2011, 09:10 AM	#7
gblowfish Be Kind To Your Pets Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Glorious Independence, MO Casino cash: $17666178 VARSITY	Dear Chiefs Fans: I just wanted you all to know, that I've been doing quite well in my current pursuits. My chairmanship of USA Youth Football has gone swimmingly. Not one, I repeat, not one pre-teen has defeated me in any contract talks or hold outs. I have crushed all their agents -as usually their agent is their best friend or older brother- in one on one negotiations. These negotiations usually involve smacking a yardstick repeatedly on the table, berating the child with vulgar obscenities they've never heard before and threatening to either take their lunch money, steal their bike or have their parents deported, depending on which tactic gains the most traction. My FanVision system -which I co developed with Miami Dolphins owner Stephen Ross- is going great guns. We hope it will soon be deployed in all BCS Bowl game sites for 2012, and our next generation, Version 2.0, should have the ability to reach down a fan's throat, and forcibly remove his soul. Much like I did during my tenure as Chiefs GM. Heh...a little GM joke. As to my future, Mr. Ross has been involved in conversations with me about taking the reins of the Miami Dolphins and restoring that once great franchise to its former glory. That, as you well know, is my specialty. Here is my Five Step Guaranteed Plan to re-build the Dolphins. 1) Announce a five year plan to return the Dolphins to Super Bowl glory. Do my best to extend that plan x 4. 2) Draft Andrew Luck. Then fight with his agent for an entire NFL season, allowing luck to re-enter the draft in 2013. Downside is, we lose out on a franchise QB. Upside is, I show the entire player representative world that King Carl is back and is NOT to be trifled with. 3) Raise ticket and parking prices in Miami by 800% over a five year period. 4) Get Florida International to play University of Central Florida every year in the Dolphins stadium. 5) Update my black leather wardrobe, re-decorate my Dolphin GM office in black leather, and review wife's current level of hotness in black leather. If she can no longer "raise Lazarus from the dead" -as we say in the Peterson Household- begin scouting South Beach in earnest for a suitable replacement. Note to self: order black leather speedo from Nordstrom's. In closing, I wanted to remind you all that I left Kansas City literally toting a wheel barrow full of money. A wheel barrow full. When I FAP, I tidy up with a $100 bill that YOU paid for. I hope you Chiefs fans are happy now with "Junior" Hunt and The Big Tuna's son-in-law at the helm. I will make it my personal raison-d'etre to crush them both as I serve the Greatest Fans in the NFL, Miami Dolphin fans. In the meantime, don't fall off the turnip truck, you inbred, corn fed, bible belted, buck toothed, mouth breathing, slack jawed crotch scratchers. A HA HA HA HA HA!!!! Your Pal, Carl "Delano" Peterson Formerly LTGMIPS and soon to be Dictator For Life Miami Dolphins Last edited by gblowfish; 10-20-2011 at 10:17 AM..
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