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I might resort to masturbation. I always kinda feel guilty about doing that on Christmas though. I'm not sure why. I obviously have no issues talking about doing that on a public football forum, but it's like there's a 5 year old me still there that thinks both Jesus, Santa, and my dead grandmother are all watching me from afar, shaking their heads. Like they're some form of the 3 ghosts of Christmas.
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