Originally Posted by siberian khatru
No, no, no. You're not a dumbass.
THIS is a dumbass:
1. Unbuckle pants to piss, because my jockey shorts fly has become twisted to the side and therefore inaccessible.
2. Forget that cell phone is clipped in front of the first belt loop.
3. Watch as cell phone slides off belt into toilet now filling with piss.
4. Wait two beats to realize YOU BETTER GET THAT PHONE, reach into PISS WATER to retrieve it.
5. It's wet. It's turned off. What to do. WELL, DON'T TURN IT ON, YOU IDIOT. Ooops -- YOU JUST TURNED IT ON.
6. Pop open the back. It's soaked. Hmmm, I wonder if that's a bad thing.
7. Take it to Verizon. Customer care guy at the front asks what the problem is. Hmmm. You didn't turn it on, did you. WHY, **** YES, I DID. Mmmm, it may not be fixable. But tell you what, don't tell the service desk that you got it wet. They might be able to replace the battery for you.
8. Service Desk: HEY, DID YOU GET THIS THING WET? Me, uh, no, I don't recall. WELL, IT SURE LOOKS WET. It's fried.
9. We see here that you don't have the insurance plan. A replacement will cost you $500.
10. Beg, plead for some kind of discount ("I'm a longtime customer ... I'll extend my contract for 100 years!"). Manager: I'm so sorry. Well, OK, you can have a new one for $400.
11. Thanks. Now, how much does it cost for that insurance coverage THAT I'M GATDAMNED SURE TO BUY FOREVER AND EVER AMEN.
Yes, that DUMBASS ... was ME.
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