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Try this one:
Hello,
Thank you for your interest in the Owner position for the Kansas City Chiefs. In the past 40 years, we have miserably failed our fan base in delivering the ultimate prize in NFL football. During that time, we have also failed miserably to deliver the trophy with the previous owner's name on it, and have failed to win a single playoff game for 19 years. In fact, since our beautiful stadium opened 40 years ago, the Chiefs have won exactly ONE playoff game there. Since we prefer not to be known as the Cubs of football or change Arrowhead's name to Wrigley Stadium, it is time for new ownership.
Qualified applicants will have a truckload of money and actually live in the Kansas City metropolitan area, or be named Mark Cuban. The applicant will be required to be a fan of the team, and not an absentee landlord using it as an out-of-state cash cow. The applicant will be required to NOT hire ANYBODY who ever had anything to do with the New England Patriots, including executives, washed-up coaches and players, and especially any crappy backup quarterbacks who never played in college. The applicant will be required to actually spend money on the team, and not be $26,000,000 under the salary cap. Being self-made would be a plus, since that whole trust fund baby thing has proven to be a big negative.
Compensation will match what the applicant puts into the team. Give us a winner, and we'll buy tickets and merchandise, and you'll make a fortune.
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