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Press: You only threw three interceptions all of last year. What happened today? Why did you throw two?
ADS: Chuck Norris got kicked in the face once too. That's how I feel: like I'm Chuck Norris and I got kicked in the face that one time and it's like a reality check - but I'm still like, I'm Chuck Norris.
Press: Can you tell us about the first play from scrimmage in the game when you were picked off by Leon Hall?
ADS: Well, I saw Michael (Floyd) breaking across the middle and he was clearing the mlb who was in a shallow zone. At that moment, I saw a nun about to fall off the upper deck - so I just hurled the ball away towards Mike and started running to save her. Fortunately, I was able to to run up 38 rows and catch her. [thunderous applause] Unfortunately, Michael started following me to save the nun from imminent death and Hall intercepted the pass.
Press: Can you comment about the play of the defense?
ADS: Man. All those penalties from JJ was kind of weird. And where in the hell is Mario? I haven't seen him all season. Did you see that Von beat the tackle early in the first for that sack? Man oh man.
Press: How do you feel about Tom Brady's license plate?
ADS: Dude, I don't have time to follow high school ball. I don't even know who that is.
Press: He's the starting qb for the Denver Broncos. They're in your division. You played them in the playoffs.
ADS: Nope. Doesn't really ring a bell. I like Denver though! Every time we go there, some fan of mine named Gisele always visits me at the hotel, if you know what I mean.
Press: Alex D. Smith, with your team at one and one. What are your expectations for the season?
ADS: We plan on ending genocide, paraplegism and winning the Sandbox Championship. No further questions, Gisele is texting me.
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