[Stanley Nickels]

I'm such a goddamn pussy, especially considering how often I fly. My most frequent route-- between KC and Philly-- isn't really ever that bad, but I get so anxious and sweaty at the slightest turbulence.

I haven't ever been through overhead-bin-opening levels of turbulence, but I have done the ol' zero G anus pucker a number of times. The worst flights are between KC and Grand Cayman (well, between DFW and Grand Cayman); I've done that flight three times and never NOT had a panic attack.

The funniest flying-related mishap, ironically, is on one of the few flights that went remarkably smoothly. The wife and I were on our honeymoon this summer, flying from Paris-Orly into Florence. We're on the descent into Florence, about 100 feet above the runway, as smooth a landing as I can remember, and the captain jerks the plane directly upward, as though he were taking off. We circle Florence a few times (and I, of course, am terrified that the landing gear has failed), before the captain notifies us that "the winds are too strong, we must fly into Bologna". The WINDS ARE TOO STRONG? Everything was FINE! Get into Bologna, the charter buses they said would be there were an hour late-- we found fellow Americans and had planned to split the cost of shuttle service to Florence if the buses simply didn't show-- and ended up getting into Florence at 3 am.