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I've tried sarcasm and I've tried serious advice.
Now I will share with you the very basic tenets of gettinglaidism:
1. Brush your teeth. This goes for all our young male virgins.
2. Shave that nasty mug.
3. Wear something nice but don't borrow anything from your dad. Drop a hot iron on that shirt and run a brush over those nasty shoes.
4. Clip and clean your nails. Chicks actually care about that sort of thing. A little lotion on the hands won't hurt anything. Not that kind of lotion, though.
5. Talk about her more than you talk about yourself.
6. Don't reveal your faults voluntarily. If she sticks around long enough, she'll discover them herself in time. That's the way it should be.
7. Keep the conversation light and positive. Negative drags a person down. That includes discussion about your mother's condition. If she brings it up, be candid and quickly change to a more pleasant subject. A variety of topics is a good thing. No matter how much she likes football, she doesn't want to hear about the Chiefs all night.
8. Soft lips. No teeth clicking. Swallow that excessive saliva. Relax. Take your time. No face licking.
9. Try touching her face. That will make you appear to be sensitive and sincere whether you are or not.
10. Be confident, don't apologize for yourself. You're a great catch. She's lucky to have this opportunity to be with you.
11. Make sure all her needs are met. The more physically comfortable you make her, the more emotionally comfortable she will allow herself to be.
12. Do not talk about your ex-girlfriend.
These are just a few from the top of my head. This is not rocket science, but you now have a head start. Good luck.
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