Was out with the girlfriend this evening, and we met at a high school, Shawnee Mission Northwest. She was nursing there for the day and I swung by at the end of the day as school was letting out and all the sports teams started practicing.
It's not every day she's in the area (she's from out of town) so we hung out at the high school there for a while. We bullshit for a while and she decides she wants to go swinging at the elementary school next door, and we start swinging and eventually lay down by the fence in the grass, soaking in some sun and conversation.
Freakin' kids at the afterschool program are playing around and one of them comes over to us while we're talking. Kid had to be 5 or 6 years old.
"Are you guys making out!?!?"
I say yes. Thought I'd be cute by playing along with some innocent kid.
"Which one of you's a boy and which one's a girl?"
Doesn't reflect well on us, I suppose. I make it into a joke by insisting to the kid that I'm the girl and she's the boy.
He comes very close to believing me, and stands there confused. The girlfriend and I continue conversing until I feel a pat on my butt -- the kid snuck up on me, slapped me on the butt (I was laying on my stomach) and ran back to the swingset shouting "that's what you get! that's what you get!"
Cute. Sure. Whatever. Back to talking.
Few minutes pass by and all of a sudden there's a crowd of 3 or 4 boys, including the original one, sneaking up on us.
Same question. "Are you guys making out? Which one's a boy and a girl?"
I give the same answers, and I shit you not, they just start wailing on me. As much as 6 year olds can, anyway. They don't touch the girlfriend but they slap me on the butt a few times, slap me as hard as they can on my freaking head a few times, and one of them is literally kicking me in the ribs. I was slightly irritated but I wasn't about to reach up and make them stop -- all I do is touch one of these kids once and I'll get jailtime, I'm sure.
This goes on for about twenty seconds and they all run off, again shouting "that's what you get!"
A few minutes pass, and this time they come in and taunting us with like playground names and nyah nyah stuff. One of them jumps up and down on my back and another starts to jump on the girlfriend -- which is when this went from harmless irritation to serious irritation.
"Alright guys, enough. We'll be taking off."
Soon as I say that, one comes by as I raise myself off the ground and kicks me right in the chest. All of them run off, shouting "rrrruuuuunnnnn" as we get to our feet and start walking off the playground.
One shouts "run away like the grandmothers you are!"
Oh to be young and bratty.
It's days like this I wish April 20th could have been my "Groundhog Day," where I live the day over and over, just so I could use one of those days as an opportunity break their legs and swing them by their broken limbs face-first into the chain-link fence. They'd throw me in jail by the end of the day, but hell, by the time I restart the day I'd feel pretty good about it.
