[RealSNR]

Blake Lively

A month or so ago a friend and I couldn't decide which movie to watch. We had both seen DKR, but didn't want to go to Total Recall. So we decided to go the alternative route and pick a lesser-advertised movie. Looked up Savages, thought it sounded interesting, and that it had a chance of being good.

It was that night that I was introduced to Blake Lively.

First of all, there's her ****ing name. **** parents these days. Seriously. You name your daughter Blake? Why not name her ****ing John or Robert? Get that shit out of me.

Next, and perhaps worst of all, is her shitty acting. In the movie she's meant to be this "prize" soulmate for two best friends, and thus is portrayed as a weak woman who depends on people for ****ing EVERYTHING. Yes, that's just the character in the script she was given, but this bitch was unconvincing and ****ing awful. Truly goddamn abortion-smearing awful. The only convincing scene I saw was when she was getting raped, and that's probably because Oliver Stone said, "Well, we need to make her be real in ONE part of the movie, and I really really ****ing hate her, so let's just rape her on camera."

Lastly, her breasts are too small, her hair is too ****ing big, she's got this weird-shaped body that's almost alien-like, and she looks like she's stoned all the ****ing time. Also, her mouth is ****ing huge. Almost as bad as Julia Roberts. And THIS is the prize both of these guys share in the movie? **** you, Oliver Stone.

But most of all, **** you Blake Lively. I saw your terrible acting only because I said, "I've never heard of this person before. How bad can she be?" I didn't realize you were actually Hitler.

I hope somebody shoves her head up a cow's vagina and beats her to death with its udder.