I think Saul Good can take this bitch over and run with it. Seriously.
REPLACEMENT HOOTIE REVIEW, APPLICANT NO. 1 - Saul Good
Positives: Cherishes the spirit of Hootie. Cherishes all things Hootie. Was once himself Hootie, right up until the day that goddamn bitch refused to get an abortion. Longs to be Hootie again. Cries himself to sleep at night remembering what it was like to be Hootie. Covets Hootie. In fact, if he actually knew where Hootie was, Saul would probably kill Hootie, eat his heart, and then fashion a Hootie suit out of Hootie's actual skin and wear it while posting in this very thread. So that's settled - he's the best man for the job. Also, is smarter, more experienced, and a bit more creative than Hootie (brain was spared the hard years of constant alcohol abuse). And unlike Hootie, who works 50 hours a week, gets 1 day off and has a life, Saul's got nothing but time, and time, and more time, to pour himself into these rankings in honor of his fallen (or at least wandered off) champion. Well, that and argue the same points over and over with Wickedson in the realignment thread, but seriously, there's no reason he can't do both. It's not like anyone outside of cyberspace will miss him.
Negatives: Can't match Hootie's energy level, goofiness or actual happiness. Vaguely remembers what it was like to be joyfully carefree, but sadly can no longer emulate that since he turned into an angry version of Phil from City Slickers all those years ago; instead substitutes vitriol and spite for Hootie's slapstick silliness. Mean and nasty can only be fun for so long. At least for normal people.
Outlook: Saul seems to have impressed the Hootiephiles with his initial offering, but they are a fickle bunch, and much like their hero, easily distracted and ohhhhh shiny. He may have the right stuff, but let's see what he does with it.
Good luck Saul!
