[Kaepernick]

Archangel Gabriel: "How ya' doing, St. Peter. I seem to have misplaced Jack the Ripper's soul. Lucifer said he's not in Hell where he should be. Did he sneak up here by chance?"

Saint Peter: "Sorry Gabe, for sure he isn't up here. If he's not in Hell, then I'm stumped. Sorry I couldn't help you."

Archangel Gabriel: "Blast it, that's 800 souls missing I can't account for in Heaven or Hell or Purgatory. Where are all these souls sneaking off to and how are they getting there?"

Ghost of Jack the Ripper, hiding in baby Cynthia's closet, "You'll never catch me, copper! Ha ha ha ha!"

The very idea that an all-powerful God -- who gives us a biblical road map to save our eternal souls from damnation, even drastically sending his only divine son to die for the explicit purpose of saving our souls -- could possibly misplace one of those souls, is pure folly.

I'm baffled how people who are Christians can't see the paradoxical conflict of believing in ghosts. Just baffled. I can't speak for the other 80 million Americans who aren't Christians, but the ones that are just baffle me when they say they believe in the possibility of ghosts.