Newfi humor

[Over-Head]

If ya have to ask, I probably wouldn't have enough time to explain.


1)
The owner of a golf course in Newfoundland was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from The Memorial University of Newfoundland and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"

The secretary thought a moment, then replied, "Everything but my earrings."

2)

A group of Newfi’s went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day.
That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the
weight of an eight-point buck.
"Where's Henry?" the others asked.
"Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the
trail," the successful hunter replied.
"You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?"
they inquired.
"A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!"

3)
The Newfoundland RCMP pulled over a pickup truck on Highway 1.
The RCMP officer asked, "Got any ID?"
The driver replied, "Bout whut?"


4)
A senior in Newfoundland was overheard saying .. "when the end of the
world comes, I hope to be in Newfoundland."
When asked why, he replied
"Because everything happens in Newfoundland twenty years later than in
the rest of the civilized world."

[Taco John]

Originally Posted by Over-Head

explane

[The Poz]

A newfie woman who has her milk delivered to her had heard of people taking a "milk bath". She decided to try it. When her weekly delivery showed up, she asked if she could get enough for a bath for her next delivery. The delivery man asked "would you like it pasteurized?" She replied, "no, just up to my tits!"

[Fire Me Boy!]

You might be a Newfie Jedi if.....
------------------------------------------------

1.You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be witt ya by*'."
2. Your Jedi robe is made of seal skin.
3. You have ever used your light saber to quarter a moose.
4. Both wings of your X-Wing are done over with sheet metal and rivets and are covered with polybond.
5. You have ever eaten bottled Ewok.
6. You have ever used a land-speeder to get away from wildlife officers.
7. The best part of spending time on Dagobah is the great weather.
8. Even C3-PO cannot understand what you are saying.
9. You have used Jedi mind tricks to help you drag off someone from the Sundance (Bar on George Street) and Breezway (University Bar).
10. You have ever used the force to convince a Human Resources Canada officer to give you unemployment insurance checks.
11. Your father has ever said to you, "Come on by' son, come on over 'ere to the dark side and have a Black Horse (Newfoundland brewed beer) witt yer old man."
12. You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to scare off mosquitoes on May 24 weekend.
13. You have ever used the Millennium Falcon to smuggle booze and cigarettes from St. Pierre (Island belonging to France just of southern nf coast).
14. You have a Newfoundland dog painted on the hood of your land-speeder.
15. You think Andy Wells (St. John's mayor) and Brian Tobin (nf premier) are part of the dark side of the force.
16. You have ever fantasized about Danielle House wearing her hair like Princess Leia.+
17. You have a trailer hitch on the back of your land speeder for hauling your trailer to gravel pits.
18. Chewbacca is the lead of your dog sled team.
19. You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with snowmobile skis.
20. You were the only person drinking Newfie Screech during the cantina scene.
21. If you hear . . . "Luke, I am your father ... tell me what the hell your mother's getting on with by'?!"