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Old 01-13-2014, 04:55 PM  
gblowfish gblowfish is offline
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Haribo Gummy Bears!
The candy that will make you say 'OH MY GOD...MY BOWELS....MY FREAKING BOWELS!!!"

Go here, then read the "customer review" section. Brutal.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B000EV...1_1&precache=1

A sample review:

Oh man...words cannot express what happened to me after eating these. The Gummi Bear "Cleanse". If you are someone that can tolerate the sugar substitute, enjoy. If you are like the dozens of people that tried my order, RUN!

First of all, for taste I would rate these a 5. So good. Soft, true-to-taste fruit flavors like the sugar variety...I was a happy camper.

BUT (or should I say BUTT), not long after eating about 20 of these all hell broke loose. I had a gastrointestinal experience like nothing I've ever imagined. Cramps, sweating, bloating beyond my worst nightmare. I've had food poisoning from some bad shellfish and that was almost like a skip in the park compared to what was going on inside me.

Then came the, uh, flatulence. Heavens to Murgatroyd, the sounds, like trumpets calling the demons back to Hell...the stench, like 1,000 rotten corpses vomited. I couldn't stand to stay in one room for fear of succumbing to my own odors.

But wait; there's more. What came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my delicate starfish was a gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM. It was actually a bit humorous (for a nanosecond)as it was just beyond anything I could imagine possible.

AND IT WENT ON FOR HOURS.

I felt violated when it was over, which I think might have been sometime in the early morning of the next day. There was stuff coming out of me that I ate at my wedding in 2005.

I had FIVE POUNDS of these innocent-looking delicious-tasting HELLBEARS so I told a friend about what happened to me, thinking it HAD to be some type of sensitivity I had to the sugar substitute, and in spite of my warnings and graphic descriptions, she decided to take her chances and take them off my hands.

Silly woman. All of the same for her, and a phone call from her while on the toilet (because you kinda end up living in the bathroom for a spell) telling me she really wished she would have listened. I think she was crying.

Her sister was skeptical and suspected that we were exaggerating. She took them to work, since there was still 99% of a 5 pound bag left. She works for a construction company, where there are builders, roofers, house painters, landscapers, etc. Lots of people who generally have limited access to toilets on a given day. I can't imagine where all of those poor men (and women) pooped that day. I keep envisioning men on roofs, crossing their legs and trying to decide if they can make it down the ladder, or if they should just jump.

If you order these, best of luck to you. And please, don't post a video review during the aftershocks.
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Old 01-13-2014, 07:38 PM   #16
BlackHelicopters BlackHelicopters is offline
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Old 01-13-2014, 07:49 PM   #17
Dayze Dayze is offline
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so what's the deal with these things? The sugarless ones make you shit like a goose?
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Old 01-13-2014, 08:09 PM   #18
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Don't dick around with imitation candy-you have no idea what they put in that shit. It's bad.

Go to some of the better stuff





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Old 01-13-2014, 10:22 PM   #19
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is online now
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Old 01-13-2014, 10:27 PM   #20
Lonewolf Ed Lonewolf Ed is offline
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I eat those and other such candies when I am in Denmark and never have any experiences like that. However, if I eat the mueslix cereal, then I could lay a screen door on the toilet seat and still miss most of the metal. If you go to Europe, DON'T eat that! It will tear your colon apart!
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Old 01-14-2014, 08:19 AM   #21
Aspengc8 Aspengc8 is offline
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Misleading thread title.. those are the sugar-free version, not regular. Any sugar-free candy will give you the same problem if you eat too many.
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Old 01-14-2014, 10:33 AM   #22
Fish Fish is offline
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Haribo gummi bears are the best candy on Earth.

The sugar free version however, is a gastrointestinal torture device made by Satan. It contains Lycasin, which is essentially ass-poison.

Huge difference.....
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Old 01-14-2014, 11:01 AM   #23
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"Ass poison"
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Old 01-14-2014, 11:08 AM   #24
GloryDayz GloryDayz is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fish View Post
Haribo gummi bears are the best candy on Earth.

The sugar free version however, is a gastrointestinal torture device made by Satan. It contains Lycasin, which is essentially ass-poison.

Huge difference.....
So we should hand these out to young kids "like candy", as candy, and have them migrate towards fresh fruits and vegetables on their own?
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Old 01-14-2014, 11:53 AM   #25
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Good God I needed a laugh and those reviews have provided it.

Do a search for Go Girl on Amazon and read away as well. Not as good as this but damn close.
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Old 01-14-2014, 12:36 PM   #26
kcfanXIII kcfanXIII is offline
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Congressman everywhere can't figure out why their offices are being inundated with gummy bears sent by thankful constituents.
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Old 01-14-2014, 12:39 PM   #27
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I fear a rival must have slipped me 10lbs of these in my sleep last night.
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Old 01-14-2014, 04:14 PM   #28
George Liquor George Liquor is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Saul Good View Post
Those fiber bars make you fart like crazy, but they are pretty much the opposite of these gummy bears in...ahem...other respects.
I once ate 4 fiber bars thinking that they were granola. My stomach made noises that sounded like Predators communicating.
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Old 01-14-2014, 04:15 PM   #29
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or whales mating
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