Prayer Request I have created a new insect religion for mankind's benefit. - Page 4

**Rain Man** · 07-18-2019, 10:19 AM

On my way to work today, I noticed a small movement on the sidewalk. As I approached, I realized that it was a bug that had somehow gotten turned upside down. It was wiggling its little arms and legs (or maybe they're all legs) helplessly, but it had no chance of righting itself.

After a moment of thought, I moved my shoe to a strategic location, and flipped the bug. While there was some skidding involved that was probably less than pleasant, the bug eventually got turned upright.

The implications of this are profound from the bug's perspective. Think about it - due to some bad Darwinian design, you're doomed. You're upside down, your thorax is exposed, and your carapace is too heavy to right yourself. Spiders and ants and wasps are inevitably bearing down on you. Your life, all two weeks of it, are flashing before your compound eye stalks.

And then suddenly out of the blue, a giant being appears, so large that you can't even see the top of it. A massive, mountain-sized foot moves toward you. But instead of crushing you, it benevolently flips you back to safety and then disappears swiftly over the horizon.

People, this is how religions are born.

If you're that bug, you now believe that there's a giant being out there looking out for you. You love the giant being. The giant being is your friend.
You're going to preach that gospel to other bugs, and you're going to tell them not to buzz the giant beings. Don't fly into their noses, don't drown yourself in their drinks. You're going to convert other bugs with your story, and peace will come in our time. People and bugs will live together in harmony.

You're welcome.

**mlyonsd** · 07-18-2019, 02:51 PM

How long will this bug transformation to nice bug take?

The gnats are bad as **** right now and I may start murdering them with spray. Not sure how that will sit with the new reformed bug movement.

**Rain Man** · 07-18-2019, 03:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DJJasonp

Is your religion one where the bugs can depict you in drawings?

I welcome it. It helps spread the word and will keep me from getting mosquito bites.

**Rain Man** · 07-18-2019, 03:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mlyonsd

How long will this bug transformation to nice bug take?

The gnats are bad as **** right now and I may start murdering them with spray. Not sure how that will sit with the new reformed bug movement.

Now that they have religion, you do not want to become their devil. I would advise you to wait for word to spread. It may take a few thousand years.

GloryDayz · 07-18-2019, 06:51 PM

They do the mutilation thing, right?

**Rain Man** · 07-18-2019, 08:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GloryDayz

They do the mutilation thing, right?

They were lost and directionless until I brought order to their world. Now they know their way.

jerryaldini · 07-18-2019, 08:49 PM

I never even managed to become anything: neither wicked nor good, neither a hero nor an insect. And now I am living out my life in my corner, taunting myself with the spiteful and utterly futile consolation that it is even impossible for an intelligent man seriously to become anything, and only fools become something.* I wanted many times to become an insect, but was not deemed worthy even of that!

**Rain Man** · 07-18-2019, 08:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jerryaldini

I never even managed to become anything: neither wicked nor good, neither a hero nor an insect. And now I am living out my life in my corner, taunting myself with the spiteful and utterly futile consolation that it is even impossible for an intelligent man seriously to become anything, and only fools become something.* I wanted many times to become an insect, but was not deemed worthy even of that!

My new religion has spawned its first philosopher. This is a big step.

KS Smitty · 07-18-2019, 09:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rain Man

Oh ye of little faith. I saved the bug, and the bugs shall save me.

I'm sure they have already sung the benevolent praises of the Rainman to their brethren the cockroach, silverfish, termite and housefly. They shall search for the House of Rainman and enter the holy site to worship and exalt in his presence.

**srvy** · 07-18-2019, 09:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KS Smitty

I'm sure they have already sung the benevolent praises of the Rainman to their brethren the cockroach, silverfish, termite and housefly. They shall search for the House of Rainman and enter the holy site to worship and exalt in his presence.

mcknzAlex · 07-18-2019, 10:30 PM

Do you consider yourself as a good Samaritan now?

**srvy** · 07-19-2019, 12:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KS Smitty

I'm sure they have already sung the benevolent praises of the Rainman to their brethren the cockroach, silverfish, termite and housefly. They shall search for the House of Rainman and enter the holy site to worship and exalt in his presence.

I was just thinking with Rainman inviting all the bugs into his home the arachnids are going to breech his border walls. brown recluse, black widow and funnel spiders love bugs its like their prime rib.

**Rain Man** · 07-19-2019, 12:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KS Smitty

I'm sure they have already sung the benevolent praises of the Rainman to their brethren the cockroach, silverfish, termite and housefly. They shall search for the House of Rainman and enter the holy site to worship and exalt in his presence.

It's a big tent. As long as they worship and respect the Giant Nike Shoe, they will do no harm.

highBOLTage · 07-19-2019, 05:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pitt Gorilla

You’re good from here on out. If something bad happens to bug (or other bugs), they deserved it for sinning. If something good happens, Rainman be praised!

Will be interested to see how you handle bugs thanking you for bug-related sporting event wins.

100% chance this bug goes on to be the Hitler of its kind. Thanks Rainman!

**mlyonsd** · 07-19-2019, 06:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rain Man

Now that they have religion, you do not want to become their devil. I would advise you to wait for word to spread. It may take a few thousand years.

Too late. God help us all.

**wazu** · 07-19-2019, 06:58 AM

Last week I was gassing my car and a wasp was crawling on the ground by my foot. I considered crushing it, but ultimately decided not to since it wasn’t a yellow jacket or a hornet. Two minutes later I’m making a turn onto a busy road where I have to move fast and time things so I can get over 3 lanes in a hurry, when I feel something crawling on my neck. While turning the wheel and accelerating I went to brush it away and my hand recognized it as a wasp just as it stung me on my sunburnt neck. Somehow I managed to not wreck my car. Also couldn’t find the wasp while driving until I had stopped and gotten out, at which time I ended the life of that ungrateful mother****er. This felt like the right place to tell this story.

07-18-2019, 10:19 AM
Rain Man Seize life. Be an ermine. Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: My house Casino cash: $-482449 VARSITY	I have created a new insect religion for mankind's benefit. On my way to work today, I noticed a small movement on the sidewalk. As I approached, I realized that it was a bug that had somehow gotten turned upside down. It was wiggling its little arms and legs (or maybe they're all legs) helplessly, but it had no chance of righting itself. After a moment of thought, I moved my shoe to a strategic location, and flipped the bug. While there was some skidding involved that was probably less than pleasant, the bug eventually got turned upright. The implications of this are profound from the bug's perspective. Think about it - due to some bad Darwinian design, you're doomed. You're upside down, your thorax is exposed, and your carapace is too heavy to right yourself. Spiders and ants and wasps are inevitably bearing down on you. Your life, all two weeks of it, are flashing before your compound eye stalks. And then suddenly out of the blue, a giant being appears, so large that you can't even see the top of it. A massive, mountain-sized foot moves toward you. But instead of crushing you, it benevolently flips you back to safety and then disappears swiftly over the horizon. People, this is how religions are born. If you're that bug, you now believe that there's a giant being out there looking out for you. You love the giant being. The giant being is your friend. You're going to preach that gospel to other bugs, and you're going to tell them not to buzz the giant beings. Don't fly into their noses, don't drown yourself in their drinks. You're going to convert other bugs with your story, and peace will come in our time. People and bugs will live together in harmony. You're welcome.
Posts: 145,278

07-18-2019, 02:51 PM	#46
mlyonsd Supporter Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Spink, SD Casino cash: $-2026238	How long will this bug transformation to nice bug take? The gnats are bad as **** right now and I may start murdering them with spray. Not sure how that will sit with the new reformed bug movement.
Posts: 39,462

07-18-2019, 06:51 PM	#49
GloryDayz (Sir/Yes Sir/Aye Aye Sir) Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Diving Casino cash: $895380	They do the mutilation thing, right? __________________ . #Like 45, 47 Is Going To Be AWESOME! #I still don't have COVID #I'mImmuneToVirtueSignaling
Posts: 123,206

07-18-2019, 08:49 PM	#51
jerryaldini MVP Join Date: Dec 2018 Casino cash: $2630400	I never even managed to become anything: neither wicked nor good, neither a hero nor an insect. And now I am living out my life in my corner, taunting myself with the spiteful and utterly futile consolation that it is even impossible for an intelligent man seriously to become anything, and only fools become something.* I wanted many times to become an insect, but was not deemed worthy even of that!
Posts: 8,512

07-18-2019, 10:30 PM	#55
mcknzAlex Starter Join Date: Jun 2019 Casino cash: $10000400	Do you consider yourself as a good Samaritan now?
Posts: 33

07-19-2019, 06:58 AM	#60
wazu ... Join Date: May 2002 Location: Kansas City, MO Casino cash: $-1497705 VARSITY	Last week I was gassing my car and a wasp was crawling on the ground by my foot. I considered crushing it, but ultimately decided not to since it wasn’t a yellow jacket or a hornet. Two minutes later I’m making a turn onto a busy road where I have to move fast and time things so I can get over 3 lanes in a hurry, when I feel something crawling on my neck. While turning the wheel and accelerating I went to brush it away and my hand recognized it as a wasp just as it stung me on my sunburnt neck. Somehow I managed to not wreck my car. Also couldn’t find the wasp while driving until I had stopped and gotten out, at which time I ended the life of that ungrateful mother****er. This felt like the right place to tell this story.
Posts: 30,650