My ex had her baby last night...

[MTG#10]

I dont know why Im posting this thread, just need to vent. I know I shouldnt be feeling this way, its been almost a year since my wife left but I feel like I just missed the birth of my own child. I knew it was going to happen soon and I thought I was mentally prepared but when her dad called me and told me this morning I quickly realized I wasn't. I cant believe I still love her after everything she's done to me and put me through both emotionally and financially. I would take her back and help her raise her baby in a heartbeat. Thats how much I love her. ****ing pathetic I know. When's this shit going to end? Its been 10 months and it still hurts just as much as the day I found out. Its so hard to keep face in front of my kids, they are so excited to have a new baby sister and I have to pretend Im happy and excited for them but its killing me. I know I have to be strong for my kids and I will but when they are gone I dont know what to do.