NFT: Aging parent care.

[BIG K]

As you know, I don't really start many threads here. I posted this in hopes that some of you who have had the responsibility of taking of your parents in their elder years could possibly give me some advice or helpful information. My mother has been suffering from copd and emphysema for many years but in the last six months, she has taken a huge drop in the quality of her life. She is using an o2 tank pretty much all the time. Her drive to continue seems to be dropping everyday. Any insight into long term care or other helpful ideas would be greatly appreciated. As of last week I already have a lady coming to clean her house weekly. Please feel free to p.m me.

Thank you in advance.

BigK

[boogblaster]

One damn thing for sure..my kids better get me a nurse with big tits or Im goin' to be pissed ....

[acesn8s]

I dread the day that I have to take care of my folks. Good luck to you and your mom.

[BigVE]

Do your homework if your considering some type of "home". The hardest thing to get past is the emotional part of "putting them in a home" or "I'm being put in a home". Putting pride aside and doing what is best for all involved is hard.

[Mr. Laz]

it's a difficult thing no matter what


went through it will pretty much all my grandparent to various degrees.

Alzheimer's is the worst


home nursing care .... cleaning ... someone to shop for them ... take them to the hair salon etc.

there are also assisted living housing that aren't quite the same as retirement home. They are basically an apartment complex with just older folks. They have a staff with a nurse etc.

[Bugeater]

Originally Posted by BigVE

Do your homework if your considering some type of "home". The hardest thing to get past is the emotional part of "putting them in a home" or "I'm being put in a home". Putting pride aside and doing what is best for all involved is hard.

And hopefully that person will be accepting of it, as most aren't. My Grandfather recently had to be put in a "home" and he has fought my uncle every step of the way. He even goes as far as laying big time guilt trips such as telling him he did it on purpose just so he could steal his farm from him, just awful, awful stuff. It's a shame because my last memories of my Grandfather are not going to be good ones because of the way he's treated my uncle.

[crazycoffey]

first in with antifreeze....




Seriously, sounds like a hard decision and many thoughts and prayers to making a good one. I know I would want to help my parents by moving them in with me, but that presents many new challenges and sometimes that's not the logical/best choice.

Again, I can offer only well wishes.

[jjchieffan]

Originally Posted by CrazyCoffey

first in with antifreeze....

I was wondering who would be first to post that. ::

I have only one of 4 GP's left alive. The 3 that have passed on have all managed to stay out of the nursing homes thanks to my parents. My Granny first, she developed Alzheimer's. She continued living at home with my Grandad until here death. My parents saw to it that she got the care she needed. My dad was at her side when she passed away at home in her bed. My Grandad lived alone until he had a stroke that left him unable to care for himself. My parents moved him into their house to care for him until his death. My Grandpa had dialysis, but was still self sufficient until his death. My Grandma lives alone, but can take care of herself. She had to go into the hospital recently due to her passing out and falling. The hospital released her to a nursing home for rehab where she stayed for 20 days and then returned home. I realize that it is not possible in all cases, but I know that my grandparents were happier living at home.

[melbar]

I'm responsable for my grandmother who has alzheimers. My wife took care of both of her GP's who both had ALZ. The red tape is a real pain. If your Grandfather was in the military there is a lot of help to pay for assisted living (different from a "home") . Those places useually have nurses on staff who check in and do medicine. Meals are also provided along with activities. PM me if I can answer any specifics for you. I've been dealing with the whole rigermarole for the last couple of years since my Gransfather passed away. My prayers are with you and yours.

[cdcox]

My cousin has done a great job with this situation as my aunt has suffered from Alzheimer's over the last several years. My aunt kept her own place in KC until she could no longer manage, then moved down to Atlanta to live with my cousin and her family. They set up her own room and included her in most family activities. Once she became too ill to stay at their house, they moved her in to an assisted living center, and later into a more intensive care facility at the same location. This was near their house, so that she could visit most every day and also bring her home for an afternoon or weekend stay. In the last year my aunt has deteriorated to the point where overnight stays are no longer possible.

It is a really tough situation, but I have to say my cousin has made about the best of the situation as possible.

[banyon]

If she has any assets to speak of, make sure you plan as best you can while she still has some of her faculties.

The thing that stings most people is that they can't really afford Nursing Home care without going through Medicaid. Medicaid won't let you do it though without doing what's usually called a "division of assets" where they get a stake in her nonexempt assets. The real problem is that there is a five year look back period if you try to transfer anything out of her name. So if that applies, you may need to talk to an estate planner of some kind.

[Mr. Laz]

Originally Posted by banyon

If she has any assets to speak of, make sure you plan as best you can while she still has some of her faculties.

The thing that stings most people is that they can't really afford Nursing Home care without going through Medicaid. Medicaid won't let you do it though without doing what's usually called a "division of assets" where they get a stake in her nonexempt assets. The real problem is that there is a five year look back period if you try to transfer anything out of her name. So if that applies, you may need to talk to an estate planner of some kind.

yep and they go back 3 years so you have to do things BEFORE you really need to.

[Joie]

I lost all of my grandparents at a very young age, and although my Dad has some health problems, he and my Mom live with my brother so I don't have alot of insight to offer. I do remember that after Grandma passed my parents would go to Grandpa's house daily to provide companionship and get any groceries he needed etc.

Have you considered a visiting nurse? I have no idea how expensive they are but it may be an alternative that will allow your Mom to stay home longer.

You and your Mom are in my thoughts.

[sd4chiefs]

Try talking to some referral services. They are free and can help you find the right place. My parents are staying at Belmont Village in San Diego. The people who work there are really nice. It is expensive but they saved up enough money to pay for it.