Funny Stuff Good , better. best

Over-Head · 07-26-2009, 07:17 AM

OMG I'm hung over!!!!

Ok, on to 3 jokes I just read.

Good
A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.
They are both quite startled.
The man turns to her and says, 'Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me.'
She replies, 'If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221.'

Better

Bill worked in a pickle factory.
He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion.
He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.
His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed.

He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
'What's wrong, Bill?' she asked.
'Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?'
'Oh, Bill, you didn't' she exclaimed.
'Yes, I did.' he replied.
'My God, Bill, what happened?'
'I got fired.'
'No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?'
'Oh...she got fired too.'

Best

A couple had been married for 50 years.
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says,
'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.'
'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago.'
'Well,' Granny s nickered. 'Let's relive some old times.'
Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.'
'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps. 'One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal

**Bwana** · 07-26-2009, 07:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Over-Head

OMG I'm hung over!!!!

To the shed with your bad self!

**Skip Towne** · 07-26-2009, 07:27 AM

Groan. I heard these jokes in 1958.

Jilly · 07-26-2009, 07:36 AM

I thought they were funny, even at 8:30am on a Sunday stone cold sober.

KcFanInGA · 07-26-2009, 07:42 AM

Nice! I've heard a different version of the best one, but I like this one better.

Over-Head · 07-26-2009, 05:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Skip Towne

Groan. I heard these jokes in 1958.

They had hearing aids back then??

Over-Head · 07-26-2009, 05:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bwana

To the shed with your bad self!

Where do you think the hang over started in the first place?
I got good and ripped, then the wife desides to drag me off to a wedding, where I tried to make a soda manifactures slogan a personal challange by trying to "drink Canada dry"
JD, Vodka and redbull, a few shots of wine, a few beer's thrown in for good measure.
Oh yeah, and a 1/8th of Medical grade I got last week for a top off.

I "almost" remember a few things past 11pm, but most of the eairly morning hours are still a blur.

07-26-2009, 07:17 AM
Over-Head Boom, Boom , Crash Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: In my shed Casino cash: $9995760	Good , better. best OMG I'm hung over!!!! Ok, on to 3 jokes I just read. *Good* A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, 'Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me.' She replies, 'If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221.' *Better* Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. 'What's wrong, Bill?' she asked. 'Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?' 'Oh, Bill, you didn't' she exclaimed. 'Yes, I did.' he replied. 'My God, Bill, what happened?' 'I got fired.' 'No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?' 'Oh...she got fired too.' *Best* A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, 'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.' 'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago.' 'Well,' Granny s nickered. 'Let's relive some old times.' Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. 'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.' 'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps. 'One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal
Posts: 12,040

07-26-2009, 07:27 AM	#3
Skip Towne Supporter Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: T-Town Casino cash: $10004900	Groan. I heard these jokes in 1958.
Posts: 69,689

07-26-2009, 07:36 AM	#4
Jilly MVP Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Lee's Summit Casino cash: $9984925	I thought they were funny, even at 8:30am on a Sunday stone cold sober.
Posts: 8,462

07-26-2009, 07:42 AM	#5
KcFanInGA I just peed a little on my leg Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: GA Casino cash: $10004900	Nice! I've heard a different version of the best one, but I like this one better. __________________ Know what the pillsbury doughboy has between his legs? DOUGHNUTS!!
Posts: 932