The Most Deranged Sorority Girl Email You Will Ever Read

[jAZ]

As one of the commentors said: a sorority-girl Ari Gold.

NSFW words, language. Hidden for the your safety.

http://gawker.com/5994974/the-most-d...will-ever-read

Here's the full email (with the author's name changed):

If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever chair you're sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough ****ing ride.

For those of you that have your heads stuck under rocks, which apparently is the majority of this chapter, we have been ****ING UP in terms of night time events and general social interactions with Sigma Nu. I've been getting texts on texts about people LITERALLY being so ****ing AWKWARD and so ****ing BORING. If you're reading this right now and saying to yourself "But oh em gee Julia, I've been having so much fun with my sisters this week!", then punch yourself in the face right now so that I don't have to ****ing find you on campus to do it myself.

I do not give a flying ****, and Sigma Nu does not give a flying ****, about how much you ****ing love to talk to your sisters. You have 361 days out of the ****ing year to talk to sisters, and this week is NOT, I ****ing repeat NOT ONE OF THEM. This week is about fostering relationships in the greek community, and that's not ****ing possible if you're going to stand around and talk to each other and not our matchup. Newsflash you stupid cocks: FRATS DON'T LIKE BORING SORORITIES. Oh wait, DOUBLE ****ING NEWSFLASH: SIGMA NU IS NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE ****ING SUCK, which by the way in case you're an idiot and need it spelled out for you, WE ****ING SUCK SO FAR. This also applies to you little shits that have talked openly about post gaming at a different frat IN FRONT OF SIGMA NU BROTHERS. Are you people ****ing reeruned? That's not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to email me back telling me if you're mentally slow so I can make sure you don't go to anymore night time events. If Sigma Nu openly said "Yeah we're gonna invite Zeta over", would you be happy? WOULD YOU? No you wouldn't, so WHY THE **** WOULD YOU DO IT TO THEM?? IN FRONT OF THEM?!! First of all, you SHOULDN'T be post gaming at other frats, I don't give a **** if your boyfriend is in it, if your brother is in it, or if your entire family is in that frat. YOU DON'T GO. YOU. DON'T. GO. And you ESPECIALLY do ****ing NOT convince other girls to leave with you.

"But Julia!", you say in a whiny little bitch voice to your computer screen as you read this email, "I've been cheering on our teams at all the sports, doesn't that count for something?" NO YOU STUPID ****ING ASS HATS, IT ****ING DOESN'T. DO YOU WANNA KNOW ****ING WHY?!! IT DOESN'T COUNT BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN ****ING UP AT SOBER ****ING EVENTS TOO. I've not only gotten texts about people being ****ing WEIRD at sports (for example, being stupid shits and saying stuff like "durr what's kickball?" is not ****ing funny), but I've gotten texts about people actually cheering for the opposing team. The opposing. ****ing. Team. ARE YOU ****ING STUPID?!! I don't give a SHIT about sportsmanship, YOU CHEER FOR OUR GODDAMN TEAM AND NOT THE OTHER ONE, HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN TO A SPORTS GAME? ARE YOU ****ING BLIND? Or are you just so ****ing dense about what it means to make people like you that you think being a good little supporter of the greek community is going to make our matchup happy? Well it's time someone told you, NO ONE ****ING LIKES THAT, ESPECIALLY OUR ****ING MATCHUP. I will ****ing **** punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don't give a **** if you SOR me, I WILL ****ING ASSAULT YOU.

"Ohhh Julia, I'm now crying because your email has made me oh so so sad". Well good. If this email applies to you in any way, meaning if you are a little asswipe that stands in the corners at night or if you're a weird shit that does weird shit during the day, this following message is for you:

DO NOT GO TO TONIGHT'S EVENT.

I'm not ****ing kidding. Don't go. Seriously, if you have done ANYTHING I've mentioned in this email and have some rare disease where you're unable to NOT do these things, then you are HORRIBLE, I repeat, HORRIBLE PR FOR THIS CHAPTER. I would rather have 40 girls that are fun, talk to boys, and not ****ing awkward than 80 that are ****ing pillowbitergots. If you are one of the people that have told me "Oh nooo boo hoo I can't talk to boys I'm too sober", then I pity you because I don't know how you got this far in life, and with that in mind don't ****ing show up unless you're going to stop being a goddamn cock block for our chapter. Seriously. I swear to ****ing God if I see anyone being a goddamn boner at tonight's event, I will tell you to leave even if you're sober. I'm not even kidding. Try me.

And for those of you who are offended at this email, I would apologize but I really don't give a ****. Go **** yourself.

[ThaVirus]

With that body and that mouth, I really want to have angry sex with her.

[Hootie]

Originally Posted by TimBone

seriously

if anyone is curious

look at this guy's post history

he is literally stalking me

[LoneWolf]

Originally Posted by Setsuna

LOLOLOLOL this is deranged how? She's right. Pussification of America continues.

Isn't it more pussified to chastise people and threaten to kick their ass by email instead of acting like an adult and talking to people face to face?

[LoneWolf]

Originally Posted by Peyton's Princess

seriously

if anyone is curious

look at this guy's post history

he is literally stalking me

He does seem to have a TimBone for you.

[Setsuna]

Originally Posted by LoneWolf

Isn't it more pussified to chastise people and threaten to kick their ass by email instead of acting like an adult and talking to people face to face?

LOL she's a female so no it's not. It's the fact that the title is literally stupid as anything. It's not deranged at all, she's just angry. Since when does being angry = deranged? This is my point. There always has to be something wrong with someone, and they just can't be normal and express basic human emotions. She just has a sailors mouth, I mean deranged? Negro please. I understood the point she was trying to make and the cursing was just fluff. Deranged? Seriously? That's a word for serial killers. People are too sensitive and it's pathetic.

[LoneWolf]

Originally Posted by Setsuna

LOL she's a female so no it's not. It's the fact that the title is literally stupid as anything. It's not deranged at all, she's just angry. Since when does being angry = deranged? This is my point. There always has to be something wrong with someone, and they just can't be normal and express basic human emotions. She just has a sailors mouth, I mean deranged? Negro please. I understood the point she was trying to make and the cursing was just fluff. Deranged? Seriously? That's a word for serial killers. People are too sensitive and it's pathetic.

Being angry doesn't excuse bad behavior or make that behavior any more understandable. Children and immature individuals use emotions to justify their bad behavior. Is she deranged? I don't think so. I do think that at this point in her life she is stupid, immature, and well on her way to being a piece of shit human being.

[Prison Bitch]

Originally Posted by Setsuna

LOLOLOLOL this is deranged how? She's right. Pussification of America continues.

I just told my friend the same thing. how is she wrong? I knew sorority girls when I was 20 and they were pathetic creatures. This girl is sick of dealing with their lame crap. She's gotta be right.

[Setsuna]

Originally Posted by LoneWolf

Being angry doesn't excuse bad behavior or make that behavior any more understandable. Children and immature individuals use emotions to justify their bad behavior. Is she deranged? I don't think so. I do think that at this point in her life she is stupid, immature, and well on her way to being a piece of shit human being.

Le sigh. WTH dude? Bad behavior? What are we? Babysitters now? What behavior? For speaking? For typing really. Did she go out and haze these girls? Did she make a burn book with all them in it and email it out to the university population? That's more of a behavior. I mean good lord. If this is a university then they are all adults. They didn't HAVE to open the e-mail AND they didn't HAVE to read all of it. After the first sentence it's obvious what her mood is and you don't have to read further. It's just freaking stupid to try and police free will when it's not breaking laws. I mean really Lone Wolf? Reeeaaalllyy? This is so stupid. People trying to make it seem worse than it is have their screws loose. She expressed her anger through an e-mail and did it with vulgar language. Let's berate her because we've never done that either! We're all Saints! Let's tear her down and make her wear a Scarlet A! RRRRAAAAWWWRRRR! MOAR POWER! You make me laugh. As well as American society.

Originally Posted by Prison Bitch

I just told my friend the same thing. how is she wrong? I knew sorority girls when I was 20 and they were pathetic creatures. This girl is sick of dealing with their lame crap. She's gotta be right.

Pretty much this. If you decide to join a sorority then you pretty much have signed an invisible contract of sorts in certain etiquette you exhibit. All fraternities have sister sororities and they do everything together, to not socialize with the brother fraternity and talk about hanging out with another fraternity while the brother fraternity is still there is a slap to the face really. She's angry at their ignorance, and I understand her frustration because one of my pet peeves is ignorance and you'll pretty much always be mad when that's the case.

[Discuss Thrower]

Sorry if Q, but it sounds like they were paired for Greek week type festivities were its expected you actually be social with the chapter you're paired with.

[LoneWolf]

Originally Posted by Setsuna

Le sigh. WTH dude? Bad behavior? What are we? Babysitters now? What behavior? For speaking? For typing really. Did she go out and haze these girls? Did she make a burn book with all them in it and email it out to the university population? That's more of a behavior. I mean good lord. If this is a university then they are all adults. They didn't HAVE to open the e-mail AND they didn't HAVE to read all of it. After the first sentence it's obvious what her mood is and you don't have to read further. It's just freaking stupid to try and police free will when it's not breaking laws. I mean really Lone Wolf? Reeeaaalllyy? This is so stupid. People trying to make it seem worse than it is have their screws loose. She expressed her anger through an e-mail and did it with vulgar language. Let's berate her because we've never done that either! We're all Saints! Let's tear her down and make her wear a Scarlet A! RRRRAAAAWWWRRRR! MOAR POWER! You make me laugh. As well as American society.


Pretty much this. If you decide to join a sorority then you pretty much have signed an invisible contract of sorts in certain etiquette you exhibit. All fraternities have sister sororities and they do everything together, to not socialize with the brother fraternity and talk about hanging out with another fraternity while the brother fraternity is still there is a slap to the face really. She's angry at their ignorance, and I understand her frustration because one of my pet peeves is ignorance and you'll pretty much always be mad when that's the case.

Goddamn you are one stupid mother****er. What she did was stupid and immature. I never said that she needed punished in any way. I'm pretty sure sororities police themselves.

As for policing free will, threatening someone even in an email is illegal if the person you are addressing believes your threat and feels they are in danger because of it. So in essence this could be illegal. Do I think she is serious about "**** punting" or "assaulting" any of her sisters? No, but that doesn't mean one of them won't take her threats seriously.

If one of your pet peeves is ignorance, you must truly hate yourself.

[kaplin42]

Originally Posted by LoneWolf

Goddamn you are one stupid mother****er. What she did was stupid and immature. I never said that she needed punished in any way. I'm pretty sure sororities police themselves.

As for policing free will, threatening someone even in an email is illegal if the person you are addressing believes your threat and feels they are in danger because of it. So in essence this could be illegal. Do I think she is serious about "**** punting" or "assaulting" any of her sisters? No, but that doesn't mean one of them won't take her threats seriously.

If one of your pet peeves is ignorance, you must truly hate yourself.

Setsuna is right, you're wrong. She sent an angry email, big deal, nothing worse than what you hear everyday in a locker room. Just because she uses language that you don't like, doesn't mean she is wrong.

[InChiefsHeaven]

Didn't read it all...but I'm sure her folks are really proud of her...

[Setsuna]

Originally Posted by Discuss Thrower

Sorry if Q, but it sounds like they were paired for Greek week type festivities were its expected you actually be social with the chapter you're paired with.

Ohhh I see. I thought they were sister sorority to that fraternity in general. Well I was wrong there, but it still applies.

Originally Posted by LoneWolf

Goddamn you are one stupid mother****er. What she did was stupid and immature. I never said that she needed punished in any way. I'm pretty sure sororities police themselves.

As for policing free will, threatening someone even in an email is illegal if the person you are addressing believes your threat and feels they are in danger because of it. So in essence this could be illegal. Do I think she is serious about "**** punting" or "assaulting" any of her sisters? No, but that doesn't mean one of them won't take her threats seriously.

If one of your pet peeves is ignorance, you must truly hate yourself.

I don't know why I try to reason with you. Besides Pestilence, I shouldn't expect much from a ND fan.

Originally Posted by kaplin42

Setsuna is right, you're wrong. She sent an angry email, big deal, nothing worse than what you hear everyday in a locker room. Just because she uses language that you don't like, doesn't mean she is wrong.

Thank you good sir.

[LoneWolf]

Originally Posted by kaplin42

Setsuna is right, you're wrong. She sent an angry email, big deal, nothing worse than what you hear everyday in a locker room. Just because she uses language that you don't like, doesn't mean she is wrong.

You and you boyfriend Setsuna can't read. I never said her opinion of her sorority sisters actions was wrong. I simply stated that she chose a stupid and immature way to express it. She took the easy way out by trying to sound all tough in an email instead of talking to the girls in the sorority directly. If you don't believe that the method she chose to get her message across was stupid and immature, then I don't know what to tell you except you're wrong.

[RunKC]

Oh my God this is just beautiful!!! Michael Shannon did a parody of this email.

So funny.

Michael Shannon Reads the Insane Delta Gamma Sorority Letter from Michael Shannon