Your favorite puke story

ZepSinger · 08-03-2007, 01:20 PM

Here's mine.

I was 11, riding up to a Twins game with my friend Ricky, his uncle Bill, and a friend of his uncles. Uncle Bill was driving, his buddy was in the passenger seat, Ricky was on the driver's side back seat, I was in the passenger side backseat. Uncle Bill's car was a 1966 Mustang convertible. The top was up because it was cold.

The scene is set. About 50 miles into our northern trek, I began to get queasy. But just before I decided I was going to hurl, my friend Ricky leaned up to his uncle and said "Uncle Bill- I don't feel so RRROWLFFARRGHHHAAAAGGGGG!!!!" Ricky was leaning over uncle Bill's driver's side shoulder, and he committed the technicolor yawn as a full-blown projectile vomit consisting of apparently an entire stomach of partially digested Kraft macaroni and cheese, which slammed against the driver's side window before careening onto the smooth curve of the windshield, thereby totally blocking uncle Bill's view. As we were cruising down the road at a pretty good clip, uncle Bill had no choice but to wipe the offending bile away using only his hand as a sqeegee. We screeched to a halt on the side of the highway, where uncle Bill proceeded to wretch whilst cleaning the orange noodle remnants off of his windshield. Upon hitting the cool outside air, I felt a ton better! Until I realized that Ricky had also garfed on the floorboard, where my tennis shoes had been resting. They were immersed in the sickly orange goo as well. So I ended up going to the Twins game in my socks. Yeah, I'll never forget that day if I live to 100....

I'll be anxiously awaiting your stories. This should be funny.

DMAC · 08-03-2007, 01:24 PM

16. Christmas time. Camping. SoCo's yearly special SoCo 100. Drank all.

The End.

ZepSinger · 08-03-2007, 01:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DMAC

16. Christmas time. Camping. SoCo's yearly special SoCo 100. Drank all.

The End.

The subplots, the detail, the sheer complexity of your novel is breathtaking.

DMAC · 08-03-2007, 01:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZepSinger

The subplots, the detail, the sheer complexity of your novel is breathtaking.

Keep in mind I drank a fifth of Southern Comfort 100 proof, eleven years ago.

The memory is quite hazy. The part I remember the most is having that taste in my mouth for a week. Every time I burped it came back.

[shutter, shutter/]

pikesome · 08-03-2007, 01:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DMAC

Keep in mind I drank a fifth of Southern Comfort 100 proof, eleven years ago.

The memory is quite hazy. The part I remember the most is having that taste in my mouth for a week. Every time I burped it came back.

[shutter, shutter/]

This is similar to mine. I finished a fifth, it was less than half empty. I was very, very drunk so a couple of friends proceeded to help me back to my dorm room which contained, among other things, a half eaten Gumby's pizza. I was helped into bed, laying on my side facing said pizza. One of my friends lifted the pizza up and moved it to the floor on the other side of the bed for their consumption when I rolled over and proceed to throw up all over it.

Frazod · 08-03-2007, 01:32 PM

Planet gathering, 2003. Rausch. Trying to match ENDelt drink for drink. My car. The shoulder of I-70. Nuff said.

**Dartgod** · 08-03-2007, 01:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frazod

Planet gathering, 2003. Rausch. Trying to match ENDelt drink for drink. My car. The shoulder of I-70. Nuff said.

At least you had the good sense to pull over.

I learned a lot from my experience. Another thing I learned about puke...

When my wife is passed out on the bathroom floor, do not encourage her to get up and come to bed. Leave her there to sleep it off next time.

BucEyedPea · 08-03-2007, 03:45 PM

When I puked after eating too many Skittles....I puked a rainbow puddle.

KCChiefsMan · 08-03-2007, 01:32 PM

not my favorite, but definately most rememorable. Me and a friend were going to a Chiefs game, we decided to go out for a few beers the night before. Nothing crazy, a couple of schooners and played some pool. Well the guy I went with doesn't drink, so were riding in up there in the backseat of his uncles truck and just as we pull into the gate for Arrowhead stadium, he pukes but he turns his head away from me but all of the puke ricocheted off of the window and all on to me, all over my jersey and pants. The only time I have ever been puked on. Once the gates opened I bought a new outfit but still had the smell of puke on me for the entire game. It sucked

kepp · 08-03-2007, 01:42 PM

Fall of 1989. I was a senior in high school and it was a Friday night. My friends and I managed to talk an older guy (you know the one...the guy that graduated 5 years ago but still hangs around) into buying us two cases of PBR. At the time I probably weighed all of 150 pounds. I drank 25 beers. I don't remember too much after #15 or 16. All I remember is sitting outside in a lawn/lounge chair in front of a bonfire with my friends counting the number of times I threw up...cheering me on.

FAX · 08-03-2007, 01:58 PM

Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Goldilocks who went for a walk in the forest. Pretty soon, she came upon a house. This house belonged to the three Pukes: Papa Puke, Mama Puke, and Baby Puke. Well, Goldilocks was a part time magazine salesman and a real dumbass so, when no one answered after she knocked, she walked right in.

"Well geeminy!", said Goldilocks. For there, at the table in the kitchen, were three bowls of porridge. Goldilocks was hungry because, earlier that day, she had been smoking the weed her Grandmother kept stashed in the cookie jar along with her meth kit so Goldilocks tasted the porridge from the first bowl.

"This porridge is too hot!" she exclaimed just before she gagged.

So, she tasted the porridge from the second bowl.

"This porridge is too cold," she said and then urped a little.

So, she tasted the last bowl of porridge.

"Ahhh, this porridge is just right," she said happily and she ate it all up, but she felt a little woozy.

After she'd eaten the three breakfasts, she decided she was feeling a little tired because she had been humping a lot the past few days. So, she walked into the living room where she saw three chairs. Goldilocks sat in the first chair to rest her feet.

Well, the first chair was too big, and the second chair was was too big, but the third chair was just right. But, too bad for Goldilocks! Because as soon as she sat in the third chair, her guts let go and, out of her mouth came a forceful expulsion of her stomach contents that was so powerful she rocked back in the chair and it broke into a hundred tiny pieces!

Well, Goldilocks was very horny by this time, so she went upstairs to the bedroom to see if there was any action up there. She lay down in the first bed, but it was too hard. Then she lay in the second bed, but it was too soft. Then she lay down in the third bed and it was just right so Goldilocks tickled her zone of intense passions for a few minutes, then she fell asleep.

As she was sleeping, the three Pukes came home.

"Someone's been eating my porridge and I don't feel so good," growled Papa Puke.

"Someone's been eating my porridge and I don't feel so good," said Mama Puke.

"Someone's been eating my porridge and they ate it all up and I have bile rising in my mouth!" cried Baby Puke.

"Someone's been sitting in my chair and I'm pissed as hell," growled Papa Puke.

"Someone's been sitting in my chair and I'm pissed as hell," said Mama Puke.

"Someone's been sitting in my chair and they've broken it all to pieces and I just farted some," cried Baby Puke.

They decided to look around some more and when they got upstairs to the bedroom, Papa Puke growled, "Someone's been sleeping in my bed! Mama Puke, you bitch!"

"Someone's been sleeping in my bed, too" said Mama Puke, "I want a divorce!"

"Someone's been sleeping in my bed and she's still there!" exclaimed Baby Puke.

Just then, Goldilocks woke up and saw the three Pukes. She screamed, "Help!" but it was too late. They each had their way with her until Goldilocks' Grandma paid a pretty hefty ransom to keep the three Pukes from anonymously contacting the authorities about her drug business.

THE END

FAX

arrowheadnation · 08-03-2007, 01:31 PM

When we beat them in the sweet 16 a few years ago....

We are talking about the Puke basketball team right?

booyaf2 · 08-03-2007, 01:31 PM

I remember in church in about 2nd grade a girl puking all over the pew. It was pretty obvious that Lucky Charms were on the menu at her house for breakfast that day. Don't know if that is my favorite, but it was the first one to come to mind.

**cdcox** · 08-03-2007, 01:32 PM

Posted before, but here goes.

My family was visiting my cousin's family in Atlanta just after Christmas. We had lasagna and a glass or two of wine for dinner, then went to this place where they had carnival rides set up in the parking lot a long with some Christmas lights and other Christmas displays. My cousin's husband challenged me to go on a ride similar to the Octopus ride at Worlds of Fun. About 3/4 of the way through the ride, I was feeling it. I made it safely back to terra ferma without blowing chow. We walked around the place for another 20 minutes, I'm still feeling a little queasy, but figure the worse is over and I'll be okay. The seven of us pile into their Excursion, which they had just picked up the week before. We get on the highway and everyone is singing Christmas carols and it occurs to me that I'm not out of the woods yet. Once my saliva glands start becoming over active, I decide to say something.

Me: "I think you are going to need to pull over for me"

Cousin's husband: "Why?"

Me: "I'm about to lose something"

CH: "You're not serious are you?"

Me: "Yes, I'm about ready to puke"

CH: "DO NOT PUKE IN THE NEW CAR"
CH to his son: "Jeffery, in that back there is a plastic bag that has the licence plate for the car in it. Take the licence plate out of the bag and pass the bag up to the front"

Me: "hurry"

CH: "DO NOT PUKE IN THE NEW CAR"

This whole time my saliva glands are pouring into my mouth faster than I can swallow it. Finally the plastic bag arrives.

Now, I'm not a mild mannered puker. I put my whole body into it, along with the loud guttural hurling noises necessary to expel large volumes of liquid and semi-solids in a hurry. So I'm filling this bag. The other six passengers are either laughing or gagging, in most cases both. Just as I'm finishing up the spits you do to get rid of the last bit of saliva/puke in your mouth, he's finally pulling into a convenience store.

I get out of the van and hold up the plastic bag in the headlights so everyone can see. A solid half bag of puke. Think of Matrix, but with puke instead of dogshit.

Everyone was very thankful that the bag was available.

**Rain Man** · 08-03-2007, 01:33 PM

I was five years old, and we were driving the winding road to my great-grandmother's house on Christmas day, four of us in the front seat of my dad's pickup truck. I developed an overwhelming urge to imitate a vomit dragon, and my mother instinctively put her hands out to shield her new dress. Unfortunately, when she did so, she made the mistake of cupping her palms. Being five years old, I immediately read that as "Don't vomit on the floor. Do it in my hands.", so I immediately shifted my stance and hurled my breakfast into her hands, which had a suprisingly low volume capacity. This took place in a very rural area with no gas stations, no rest stops, nothing. She was less than happy.

My most interesting place to vomit was New Delhi, India. Believe it or not, I don't think their food sanitation rules are as strict as ours.

08-03-2007, 01:20 PM	Topic Starter
ZepSinger Veteran Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Kansas City Casino cash: $10004900	Your favorite puke story Here's mine. I was 11, riding up to a Twins game with my friend Ricky, his uncle Bill, and a friend of his uncles. Uncle Bill was driving, his buddy was in the passenger seat, Ricky was on the driver's side back seat, I was in the passenger side backseat. Uncle Bill's car was a 1966 Mustang convertible. The top was up because it was cold. The scene is set. About 50 miles into our northern trek, I began to get queasy. But just before I decided I was going to hurl, my friend Ricky leaned up to his uncle and said "Uncle Bill- I don't feel so RRROWLFFARRGHHHAAAAGGGGG!!!!" Ricky was leaning over uncle Bill's driver's side shoulder, and he committed the technicolor yawn as a full-blown projectile vomit consisting of apparently an entire stomach of partially digested Kraft macaroni and cheese, which slammed against the driver's side window before careening onto the smooth curve of the windshield, thereby totally blocking uncle Bill's view. As we were cruising down the road at a pretty good clip, uncle Bill had no choice but to wipe the offending bile away using only his hand as a sqeegee. We screeched to a halt on the side of the highway, where uncle Bill proceeded to wretch whilst cleaning the orange noodle remnants off of his windshield. Upon hitting the cool outside air, I felt a ton better! Until I realized that Ricky had also garfed on the floorboard, where my tennis shoes had been resting. They were immersed in the sickly orange goo as well. So I ended up going to the Twins game in my socks. Yeah, I'll never forget that day if I live to 100.... I'll be anxiously awaiting your stories. This should be funny.
Posts: 2,740

08-03-2007, 01:24 PM	#2
DMAC MVP Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Springfield, MO Casino cash: $10008735	16. Christmas time. Camping. SoCo's yearly special SoCo 100. Drank all. The End.
Posts: 11,651

08-03-2007, 01:32 PM	#6
Frazod Did you hear what I said? Join Date: Aug 2000 Casino cash: $-556615	Planet gathering, 2003. Rausch. Trying to match ENDelt drink for drink. My car. The shoulder of I-70. Nuff said.
Posts: 121,704

08-03-2007, 03:45 PM	#8
BucEyedPea Here comes Peter Cottontail! Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: None of your business Casino cash: $-70037	When I puked after eating too many Skittles....I puked a rainbow puddle. __________________ Hello, Bearcat. Two Questions: Are you Malcor? Because call-out threads don't get moved to the Romper Room, but asking who Malcor is, as in being mult was moved there. Only a mod can do that. Why is DC getting over-moderated these days?
Posts: 168,251

08-03-2007, 01:32 PM	#9
KCChiefsMan AIC Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: West Roxbury, MA Casino cash: $10004900	not my favorite, but definately most rememorable. Me and a friend were going to a Chiefs game, we decided to go out for a few beers the night before. Nothing crazy, a couple of schooners and played some pool. Well the guy I went with doesn't drink, so were riding in up there in the backseat of his uncles truck and just as we pull into the gate for Arrowhead stadium, he pukes but he turns his head away from me but all of the puke ricocheted off of the window and all on to me, all over my jersey and pants. The only time I have ever been puked on. Once the gates opened I bought a new outfit but still had the smell of puke on me for the entire game. It sucked
Posts: 11,478

08-03-2007, 01:42 PM	#10
kepp MVP Join Date: Aug 2005 Casino cash: $3519212	Fall of 1989. I was a senior in high school and it was a Friday night. My friends and I managed to talk an older guy (you know the one...the guy that graduated 5 years ago but still hangs around) into buying us two cases of PBR. At the time I probably weighed all of 150 pounds. I drank 25 beers. I don't remember too much after #15 or 16. All I remember is sitting outside in a lawn/lounge chair in front of a bonfire with my friends counting the number of times I threw up...cheering me on.
Posts: 14,735

08-03-2007, 01:58 PM	#11
FAX testing ... 1, 2, 3 Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Tennessee Casino cash: $6753759	Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Goldilocks who went for a walk in the forest. Pretty soon, she came upon a house. This house belonged to the three Pukes: Papa Puke, Mama Puke, and Baby Puke. Well, Goldilocks was a part time magazine salesman and a real dumbass so, when no one answered after she knocked, she walked right in. "Well geeminy!", said Goldilocks. For there, at the table in the kitchen, were three bowls of porridge. Goldilocks was hungry because, earlier that day, she had been smoking the weed her Grandmother kept stashed in the cookie jar along with her meth kit so Goldilocks tasted the porridge from the first bowl. "This porridge is too hot!" she exclaimed just before she gagged. So, she tasted the porridge from the second bowl. "This porridge is too cold," she said and then urped a little. So, she tasted the last bowl of porridge. "Ahhh, this porridge is just right," she said happily and she ate it all up, but she felt a little woozy. After she'd eaten the three breakfasts, she decided she was feeling a little tired because she had been humping a lot the past few days. So, she walked into the living room where she saw three chairs. Goldilocks sat in the first chair to rest her feet. Well, the first chair was too big, and the second chair was was too big, but the third chair was just right. But, too bad for Goldilocks! Because as soon as she sat in the third chair, her guts let go and, out of her mouth came a forceful expulsion of her stomach contents that was so powerful she rocked back in the chair and it broke into a hundred tiny pieces! Well, Goldilocks was very horny by this time, so she went upstairs to the bedroom to see if there was any action up there. She lay down in the first bed, but it was too hard. Then she lay in the second bed, but it was too soft. Then she lay down in the third bed and it was just right so Goldilocks tickled her zone of intense passions for a few minutes, then she fell asleep. As she was sleeping, the three Pukes came home. "Someone's been eating my porridge and I don't feel so good," growled Papa Puke. "Someone's been eating my porridge and I don't feel so good," said Mama Puke. "Someone's been eating my porridge and they ate it all up and I have bile rising in my mouth!" cried Baby Puke. "Someone's been sitting in my chair and I'm pissed as hell," growled Papa Puke. "Someone's been sitting in my chair and I'm pissed as hell," said Mama Puke. "Someone's been sitting in my chair and they've broken it all to pieces and I just farted some," cried Baby Puke. They decided to look around some more and when they got upstairs to the bedroom, Papa Puke growled, "Someone's been sleeping in my bed! Mama Puke, you bitch!" "Someone's been sleeping in my bed, too" said Mama Puke, "I want a divorce!" "Someone's been sleeping in my bed and she's still there!" exclaimed Baby Puke. Just then, Goldilocks woke up and saw the three Pukes. She screamed, "Help!" but it was too late. They each had their way with her until Goldilocks' Grandma paid a pretty hefty ransom to keep the three Pukes from anonymously contacting the authorities about her drug business. THE END FAX
Posts: 44,492

08-03-2007, 01:31 PM	#12
arrowheadnation MONTANA #19 Join Date: Mar 2005 Casino cash: $3727357	When we beat them in the sweet 16 a few years ago.... We are talking about the Puke basketball team right? __________________ Things I need to happen in order to die happy.... KU wins a National Championship....Check! The Royals win a World Series....Check! The Chiefs win a Super Bowl....FINALLY!!!
Posts: 4,510

08-03-2007, 01:31 PM	#13
booyaf2 Starter Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Hays KS Casino cash: $-2054995	I remember in church in about 2nd grade a girl puking all over the pew. It was pretty obvious that Lucky Charms were on the menu at her house for breakfast that day. Don't know if that is my favorite, but it was the first one to come to mind.
Posts: 905

08-03-2007, 01:32 PM	#14
cdcox www.nfl-forecast.com Join Date: Sep 2000 Casino cash: $-458231	Posted before, but here goes. My family was visiting my cousin's family in Atlanta just after Christmas. We had lasagna and a glass or two of wine for dinner, then went to this place where they had carnival rides set up in the parking lot a long with some Christmas lights and other Christmas displays. My cousin's husband challenged me to go on a ride similar to the Octopus ride at Worlds of Fun. About 3/4 of the way through the ride, I was feeling it. I made it safely back to terra ferma without blowing chow. We walked around the place for another 20 minutes, I'm still feeling a little queasy, but figure the worse is over and I'll be okay. The seven of us pile into their Excursion, which they had just picked up the week before. We get on the highway and everyone is singing Christmas carols and it occurs to me that I'm not out of the woods yet. Once my saliva glands start becoming over active, I decide to say something. Me: "I think you are going to need to pull over for me" Cousin's husband: "Why?" Me: "I'm about to lose something" CH: "You're not serious are you?" Me: "Yes, I'm about ready to puke" CH: "DO NOT PUKE IN THE NEW CAR" CH to his son: "Jeffery, in that back there is a plastic bag that has the licence plate for the car in it. Take the licence plate out of the bag and pass the bag up to the front" Me: "hurry" CH: "DO NOT PUKE IN THE NEW CAR" This whole time my saliva glands are pouring into my mouth faster than I can swallow it. Finally the plastic bag arrives. Now, I'm not a mild mannered puker. I put my whole body into it, along with the loud guttural hurling noises necessary to expel large volumes of liquid and semi-solids in a hurry. So I'm filling this bag. The other six passengers are either laughing or gagging, in most cases both. Just as I'm finishing up the spits you do to get rid of the last bit of saliva/puke in your mouth, he's finally pulling into a convenience store. I get out of the van and hold up the plastic bag in the headlights so everyone can see. A solid half bag of puke. Think of Matrix, but with puke instead of dogshit. Everyone was very thankful that the bag was available.
Posts: 46,032

08-03-2007, 01:33 PM	#15
Rain Man Seize life. Be an ermine. Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: My house Casino cash: $-452449 VARSITY	I was five years old, and we were driving the winding road to my great-grandmother's house on Christmas day, four of us in the front seat of my dad's pickup truck. I developed an overwhelming urge to imitate a vomit dragon, and my mother instinctively put her hands out to shield her new dress. Unfortunately, when she did so, she made the mistake of cupping her palms. Being five years old, I immediately read that as "Don't vomit on the floor. Do it in my hands.", so I immediately shifted my stance and hurled my breakfast into her hands, which had a suprisingly low volume capacity. This took place in a very rural area with no gas stations, no rest stops, nothing. She was less than happy. My most interesting place to vomit was New Delhi, India. Believe it or not, I don't think their food sanitation rules are as strict as ours. __________________ Active fan of the greatest team in NFL history.
Posts: 145,245