Your favorite puke story

[ZepSinger]

Here's mine.

I was 11, riding up to a Twins game with my friend Ricky, his uncle Bill, and a friend of his uncles. Uncle Bill was driving, his buddy was in the passenger seat, Ricky was on the driver's side back seat, I was in the passenger side backseat. Uncle Bill's car was a 1966 Mustang convertible. The top was up because it was cold.

The scene is set. About 50 miles into our northern trek, I began to get queasy. But just before I decided I was going to hurl, my friend Ricky leaned up to his uncle and said "Uncle Bill- I don't feel so RRROWLFFARRGHHHAAAAGGGGG!!!!" Ricky was leaning over uncle Bill's driver's side shoulder, and he committed the technicolor yawn as a full-blown projectile vomit consisting of apparently an entire stomach of partially digested Kraft macaroni and cheese, which slammed against the driver's side window before careening onto the smooth curve of the windshield, thereby totally blocking uncle Bill's view. As we were cruising down the road at a pretty good clip, uncle Bill had no choice but to wipe the offending bile away using only his hand as a sqeegee. We screeched to a halt on the side of the highway, where uncle Bill proceeded to wretch whilst cleaning the orange noodle remnants off of his windshield. Upon hitting the cool outside air, I felt a ton better! Until I realized that Ricky had also garfed on the floorboard, where my tennis shoes had been resting. They were immersed in the sickly orange goo as well. So I ended up going to the Twins game in my socks. Yeah, I'll never forget that day if I live to 100....

I'll be anxiously awaiting your stories. This should be funny.

[Dartgod]

Originally Posted by frazod

Planet gathering, 2003. Rausch. Trying to match ENDelt drink for drink. My car. The shoulder of I-70. Nuff said.

At least you had the good sense to pull over.

I learned a lot from my experience. Another thing I learned about puke...

When my wife is passed out on the bathroom floor, do not encourage her to get up and come to bed. Leave her there to sleep it off next time.

[Fish]

Auntie Mae's in MHK back in the college partying days. There was an afterhours party at my best friend's house. He had met a couple girls at the bar, and tried to convince us that the halfway cute one was a total groupie, and would surely give everybody at the afterhours some mouthlove( ). Well, the girls friend was a total mutt, but she had to come along as well. My friend pleads with me to give her a ride to his house, since he was taking the cute one in his truck. Not that big of a deal. Well we head to his house, and about 4 blocks from his house, I see cop lights behind me. I'd been drinking a little, but the girl with me was really trashed. The cop happened to pull me over on a pretty busy street, so he approached us on the passenger side where drunk muttly whom I had just met was seated. The officer takes my ID/Ins. and checks it out. Comes back to my car and asks if we'd been drinking. At that moment, drunk muttly explodes in a bile fountain of foofoo drinks, jello shots, and half-digested nachos. She hit my dash, the passenger door, and eventually down the officer's leg who was trying to jump out of the way. I'll never forget the look on his face as he whipped the pen he was holding to get the vomit off it. He very sternly told me to get her the hell home and he didn't want to see me out again that night. I told him not to worry, that getting her the hell out of my truck was priority #1.

He was shaking his head and looking down at his pants now coated in a chunky green/orange mixture. My truck smelled for months. Never saw drunk muttly again........

[FAX]

Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Goldilocks who went for a walk in the forest. Pretty soon, she came upon a house. This house belonged to the three Pukes: Papa Puke, Mama Puke, and Baby Puke. Well, Goldilocks was a part time magazine salesman and a real dumbass so, when no one answered after she knocked, she walked right in.

"Well geeminy!", said Goldilocks. For there, at the table in the kitchen, were three bowls of porridge. Goldilocks was hungry because, earlier that day, she had been smoking the weed her Grandmother kept stashed in the cookie jar along with her meth kit so Goldilocks tasted the porridge from the first bowl.

"This porridge is too hot!" she exclaimed just before she gagged.

So, she tasted the porridge from the second bowl.

"This porridge is too cold," she said and then urped a little.

So, she tasted the last bowl of porridge.

"Ahhh, this porridge is just right," she said happily and she ate it all up, but she felt a little woozy.

After she'd eaten the three breakfasts, she decided she was feeling a little tired because she had been humping a lot the past few days. So, she walked into the living room where she saw three chairs. Goldilocks sat in the first chair to rest her feet.

Well, the first chair was too big, and the second chair was was too big, but the third chair was just right. But, too bad for Goldilocks! Because as soon as she sat in the third chair, her guts let go and, out of her mouth came a forceful expulsion of her stomach contents that was so powerful she rocked back in the chair and it broke into a hundred tiny pieces!

Well, Goldilocks was very horny by this time, so she went upstairs to the bedroom to see if there was any action up there. She lay down in the first bed, but it was too hard. Then she lay in the second bed, but it was too soft. Then she lay down in the third bed and it was just right so Goldilocks tickled her zone of intense passions for a few minutes, then she fell asleep.

As she was sleeping, the three Pukes came home.

"Someone's been eating my porridge and I don't feel so good," growled Papa Puke.

"Someone's been eating my porridge and I don't feel so good," said Mama Puke.

"Someone's been eating my porridge and they ate it all up and I have bile rising in my mouth!" cried Baby Puke.

"Someone's been sitting in my chair and I'm pissed as hell," growled Papa Puke.

"Someone's been sitting in my chair and I'm pissed as hell," said Mama Puke.

"Someone's been sitting in my chair and they've broken it all to pieces and I just farted some," cried Baby Puke.

They decided to look around some more and when they got upstairs to the bedroom, Papa Puke growled, "Someone's been sleeping in my bed! Mama Puke, you bitch!"

"Someone's been sleeping in my bed, too" said Mama Puke, "I want a divorce!"

"Someone's been sleeping in my bed and she's still there!" exclaimed Baby Puke.

Just then, Goldilocks woke up and saw the three Pukes. She screamed, "Help!" but it was too late. They each had their way with her until Goldilocks' Grandma paid a pretty hefty ransom to keep the three Pukes from anonymously contacting the authorities about her drug business.

THE END

FAX

[DJay23]

I've got so many (not all of them me) I can't separate a favorite so here is a brief synopsis of the ones what stand out:

When I was in I think 3rd or 4th grade, I fell ill after lunch. I spent the afternoon in the nurse's office. The nurse called my mom to come meet me out front when school was out. As I walked up to her, she went to put her arm around me and ask me if I was ok and I promptly hurled at her feet. We started walking down the sidewalk and I continued puking off to the side, grossing everyone out within site and earshot.

This time 7th grade. I used to get horrible migraines in my early teens and this was a real doozy. I had a bunk bed in those days and I slept up top. Well, I felt very sick and decided that I couldn't jump off or climb down, I would just have to let fly off the bed. I did. Come morning it was revealed that I had lost one of my pillows over the side and ended up puking right on the pillow. The pillow was a loss, but the carpet saved.

Age of 14. We had just moved to Canon City, Colorado and were living in a hotel. We had gone out to eat at a Chinese restaurant. I had some sweet and sour chicken. The chicken decided it wanted out as I lie in bed that night. A huge mouthful of chunder came up before I could even spring out of the bed. I held my hand over it, but it began springing leaks. I made it to the bathroom door only to find that my genious of a sister had shut and latched it. I took my hand off my mouth to push the door as I turned the knob with the other hand and of course sent puke splattering all over the entire bathroom and it's door. My mom was not pleased the next morning because of course I didn't clean it up.

About 4 years ago. At my friend's cottage in upstate New York. A bunch of guys wanted to go out to a local bar. My buddy is sitting in a lawn chair passed out. Someone said he wouldn't go. He heard the challenge through the haze, leaned to one side, puked, hosed his mouth out, got up and said, "let's go." Greatest puke and rally I've ever seen. He spent the night getting hit on by old ladies.

Two years ago at school. I had my kids lined up to go to lunch, when some 5th grader puked in the hall right across from my room. One of the other teachers that didn't have a class stood near the puddle until the custodian could get there, presumably to stop anyone from tracking through it. Of course, as I engaged her in conversation about how lucky we are to be going to lunch to such a wonderful smell, a student, unbenownst to her, got behind the teacher in the hall, and of course slipped and fell in the puke. She slipped a couple more times trying to get up with a dumb look on her face, unsure at how she had just gone down. I had a hard time not laughing at that one.

[Mr. Laz]

at a bar back in the day when they used to have drink and drown night.

pitchers of Old Milwaukee(aka camel piss) for 50 cents.


midway through the night and i my friend gets my into a chugging contest from money.

whomever chugs the entire pitcher fastest wins.

i won ... then won again


started drawing a crowd and the bets starting going up.

after a couple hours i had competed and won 4 or 5 times.


well the sheer volume of liquid was just too much .... i could barely breath.


i told my friend we needed to go


we are walking out of the bar and i'm trying to hold it down. My friend gets to the door and opens it ...... hears the "gurgle,gurgle" sound behind him and quickly steps to the side just outside the door.

me .... i'm still about 2 steps inside the bar.


i projectile vomit at least a pitcher's worth of beer the 2 feet inside the bar, out the door, on to the sidewalk outside the bar.


it was quite an "exorcist" moment



felt much better afterwards ..... we ended up going to another bar.

[The Rick]

Mine was from college (CMSU...err, UCM).

After a night of heavy drinking on Pine St., I somehow made it back to my apartment and in my bed. I woke up the next day and my friend/roommate was laughing and asking me about the puke in the bathroom. Apparently, I almost made it to the toilet. I had absolutely no recollection.

[Rain Man]

Oh. I have another good vomit story. My mother's mother got a divorce in 1950, and moved to California, leaving her three children behind. She never wanted to see anyone from Missouri again, and refused to have contact with anyone in the family, which obviously hurt the kids, particularly my mom, who was only six years old when she was left behind.

So fast forward to 1965. I'm two years old, and my parents decide to go to Disneyland. They, my sister, and I make the trek from Missouri to Anaheim. On the way, my 22 year-old mother hatches a plan to simply knock on her mother's door and force a visit, which will be first time she's seen her in 16 years.

They find the house, she knocks on the door, and they go in. I then proceed to throw up on the woman's white couch. After about ten minutes, the woman says she has an appointment, and asks us to come back the next day. When my parents go back the next day, the woman is not home.

Therefore, I have seen my grandmother one time for ten minutes in my 44 years of life, and I threw up on her couch. I'm guessing her opinion of me is not high.

[Adept Havelock]

Probably when I was fifteen/sixteen and thought I was invincible...and was introduced to "Boilermakers" by my older cousins.

[The Franchise]

I can remember it very vividly. It was my 23rd birthday and a couple of my friends decided to all just drink at my friends apartment. Well one of my good friends brings me this bottle of unregulated Jamaican rum that he had gotten from a trip over there. I proceeded to drink the whole bottle in a period of 2-3 hours. So a couple of my friends leave to go get food and come back with Jack in the Box. I got one whiff of their food and ran into the bathroom to puke. That was at 2 in the morning. Between the period of 2am and 7:30 am I puked 12 times. That's right...12....I counted all of them. And I had to work the next day so I was in the shower....puking. Putting on my BDU top...then puked. BDU pants....then puked. I drove onto base...still wasted. I get out of my car in the parking lot....and puke. I go to run up the stairs to go to the bathroom....I fall UP the stairs....and puke at the top of them. My Sgt. in charge comes up to me and just tells me to go home.

[KcMizzou]

Originally Posted by The Rick

Mine was from college (CMSU...err, UCM).

After a night of heavy drinking on Pine St., I somehow made it back to my apartment and in my bed. I woke up the next day and my friend/roommate was laughing and asking me about the puke in the bathroom. Apparently, I almost made it to the toilet. I had absolutely no recollection.

Also from CMSU, and Pine Street...

I was sitting at a table on nickel draw/dollar pitcher night, watching the room spin. A buddy kept trying to get me up and moving, I wasn't feeling good at all, and didn't want to move.

He convinced me that we should get up and "walk the circle" (the bar was arranged in a circle... every once in a while you'd walk a lap, look for people you know, "mingle" a bit, tell them you had a table, invite 'em to have a seat, etc.) Anyway, when it happened it hit my buddy square between the shoulder blades. In my drunken state, all I could do was laugh... and make a hasty exit.

He actually took it really, really well. I'd have kicked my ass.

[BucEyedPea]

When I puked after eating too many Skittles....I puked a rainbow puddle.

[trndobrd]

I was four years old at the family reunion. My parents insisted that I eat the pickled beets they had placed on my plate. I ate them and started crying. My Dad picked me up and sat me on the counter and began to chastise me. I blew bright red pickled beets all over him. I never had to eat beets again.

[Mark M]

Fraternity campout. I got there on 2pm Friday afternoon with the keg. Needless to say, we tapped it and started drinking before the truck was even unloaded.

From then until 4 am, I proceeded to drink approximately 14 beers, half a fifth of Jager, and about a dozen shots of Hot Damn and Stoli (combined, not each).

I wake up in my tent about 11 am Saturday, still drunk, hungry as all hell. I remember I have a can of mixed fruit -- healthy, tasty, chock full of vitamins.

It was also in that 10W-9000 heavy syrup.

And about five minutes after eating half the can, I knew it was not going to be pretty.

I get out of my tent, in boxers and wool socks, on all fours and proceed to egress various pieces of fruit, most of which are still whole.

Now, I should note that when I puke, some of it invariably comes through my nose. While totally gross and annoying, it's usually not that big of an issue.

But I'm usually not hurling large chunks of pinapple, pears and peaches. Which, thankfully, managed to come out my piehole.

The cherries and grapes, however, are evidently shaped just right and just squishy enough to make it into my sinuses.

So there I was ... on all fours, Indian noseblowing whole grapes and halved cherries into the ground.

From then on, any time anyone in the fraternity house went the grocery store, I got a can of fruit cocktail.

MM
~~

[Megbert]

Tucson - Kon Tiki bar. Place serves those fruity rum drinks the kind you don't realize how messed up you are until you try and stand up. Drank on an empty stomach. Went to 'kwik e mart' ate some chocodiles, beef jerky and gatorade. 15 min later on friends patio I remember looking down seeing my shoes and followed by a shower of red/pink puke.

[The Franchise]

Originally Posted by AZChiefFan

Tucson - Kon Tiki bar. Place serves those fruity rum drinks the kind you don't realize how messed up you are until you try and stand up. Drank on an empty stomach. Went to 'kwik e mart' ate some chocodiles, beef jerky and gatorade. 15 min later on friends patio I remember looking down seeing my shoes and followed by a shower of red/pink puke.

Kon Tiki Bar in Tucson....I've been there. That place sucked...Maloney's was way better.