All-Idiot Team Training Camp interview!! Must read!

Mark M · 11:42 AM

This is the first in a three-part series of interviews with members of [b]Packfan’s All-Idiot Team[/b]. The team is comprised of chiefsplanet members who have been called out, insulted or just generally annoyed with Ken and his mundane posts.

Our reporter, Skippy McScooperson, sits down with the new head coach to discuss the upcoming season. ([i]Editor’s note:[/i] the team searched high for a coach ... but once they sobered up, they realized that looking low would be better. They tried to get Hank Stram to “ventriculate” out of retirement, but to no avail. So they got the next best thing: Stram’s toupee, Harry, who plans on being just as conspicuous on the sideline as he is on Hank’s head.)

Part one in the series is about the off-season and the offense, part two on defense and part three on special teams and the gaggle of off-the-field personnel.

[i]Skippy: First, I’d like to thank you for meeting with me, Harry.[/i]
Harry: Not a problem. I was just lying around anyway.
[i]S: (laughing) Well, let’s get to it, then. How do you feel you did in the offseason?[/i]
H: We made some key acquisitions: [b]keg_in_kc[/b], [b]Aturnis[/b], [b]NFLFrank[/b] and others have really come in and made an immediate impact on the team. And the veterans haven’t let up either. It was a great offseason, overall.
[i]S: Several players had offseason surgery and even a few injuries, like [b]Big Daddy[/b]’s shoulder. How is the recovery process going?[/i]
H: Very well, very well. Actually, the biggest problem we’ve had is with our QB, [b]Mark M[/b].
[i]S: What is exactly was, or is, the nature of his injury?[/i]
H: He’s got a bad case of [i]Packfanitis[/i], which is basically just an annoying and often intolerable pain in the a$$. Kind of like hemorrhoids, but less itchy, more hurty.
[i]S: Didn’t [b]keg[/b] and [b]KCTitus[/b] have the same problem?[/i]
H: Yes, they did. And as our #2 QB and starting left tackle, respectively, it’s important that they be healthy. They solved the problem by just ignoring their [i]Packfanitis[/i]. It seems to be working well.
[i]S: You’ve installed a new offensive scheme. How are the players adjusting?[/i]
H: Extremely well, Skip. Our O-line of [b]Titus[/b], [b]KCWolfman[/b], [b]Russ[/b], and [b]bishop74[/b], are doing a great job of getting in the way. And the center, [b]Cameron Diaz[/b] is making our QBs very, very happy. The wide receivers like [b]milkman[/b] (converted from RB), [b]KPhobia[/b], [b]JOhn[/b] and [b]Coryt[/b] are all running precise routes ... well, they’re getting past the line of scrimmage anyway. Once they do that, catching the ball is much easier. Of course, most can’t even catch a cab ...
[i]S: And what about running back by committee? Is that finally over?[/i]
H: Yes. We will give [b]Luz[/b] the ball in our normal set, [b]H_C Chief[/b] will be our third down back and [b]Bob Dole[/b] will be utilized in single back sets.
[i]S: Um ... isn’t that the same thing?[/i]
H: Not really. We like to call them “situational substitutions” rather than “running back by committee.”
[i]S: So it’s just semantics?[/i]
H: No. It’s just a different way of saying it.
[i]S: Um ... [/i]
H: What I’m really looking forward to is our kicking game. [b]Dartgod[/b] has been booming them in practice, kicking it over 60 yards.
[i]S: But how about his accuracy?[/i]
H: Well ... we’re still working on that. The fact he’s even making contact with the ball is a significant improvement.
[i]S: And the tight ends?[/i]
H: [b]dawsonpa[/b] still has one of the tightest around, if that’s what you mean. [b]tommykat[/b] is putting the pressure on her, though. As far as [b]Mark Kilgore[/b] goes, well ... he’s still working on tightening his end, as it were.
[i]S: I see ... [/i]

[b]Stay tuned ... tomorrow: Part 2—The Idiotic Defense[/b]

MM
~~Really needs a hobby.

**Bwana** · 08-09-2001, 10:19 AM

LMAO: Good Stuff Mark :D

**ptlyon** · 08-09-2001, 10:36 AM

Especially the Tight Ends part :)

08-09-2001, 10:42 AM

Excellant!

Lightning Rod · 08-09-2001, 10:45 AM

As the PR man I just wanted everyone to know that I have an ample supply of the acrylic goldfish filled platform shoes. That way you all can be cool in the team picture.

**Bwana** · 08-09-2001, 10:48 AM

Rod as GM, I forbid anyone but myself to wear "goldfish shoes" and or fur coats! ;)

Lightning Rod · 08-09-2001, 10:56 AM

I understand why, As PR man I would be delinquent if I did not test out these fashion accessories.
Gotta admit the Chicks dig-em. Was thinking some sort of a mink fedora might complete your Pimp-Daddy look, :)

KCTitus · 08-09-2001, 10:58 AM

Very funny, Mark. Well done.

keg in kc · 08-09-2001, 11:01 AM

Hah, I needed a good laugh...

...and for once, Mark delivered!

ahahahah :p

funny stuff

Mark M · 08-09-2001, 11:04 AM

[quote]...and for once, Mark delivered! [/quote]

Is this to imply that you do not always find me funny? ;) :p

Thanks guys ... slow day here at work. Will try to get the Defensive side done tomorrow morning, and our Not-So-Special Teams this weekend.

MM
~~Thinks he's funny all of the time.

**ExtremeChief** · 08-09-2001, 11:04 AM

good stuff Mark...funny as usual :)

bishop_74 · 08-09-2001, 11:30 AM

-And the center, Cameron Diaz is making our QBs very, very happy.

-S: So it’s just semantics?
H: No. It’s just a different way of saying it.
S: Um ...

LOL! I am crying over here...

htismaqe · 08-09-2001, 11:32 AM

I can't wait to see the defense...

I need to read it to figure out what I've been up to, I can't remember...

:D

Gaz · 08-09-2001, 11:42 AM

[font=Garamond][size=4]
This was great!

xoxo~
Gaz
Saving this one for later re-reading. [/font][/size]

**Dartgod** · 08-09-2001, 11:52 AM

[QUOTE]
H: What I’m really looking forward to is our kicking game. [b]Dartgod[/b] has been booming them in practice, kicking it over 60 yards.
[i]S: But how about his accuracy?[/i]
H: Well ... we’re still working on that. The fact he’s even making contact with the ball is a significant improvement.[/quote]

Those Flubber shoes I invested in are really paying off.

Very funny Mark!

08-09-2001, 10:16 AM	Topic Starter
Mark M What time is it? Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: You tell me ... Casino cash: $9884900	All-Idiot Team Training Camp interview!! Must read! This is the first in a three-part series of interviews with members of [b]Packfan’s All-Idiot Team[/b]. The team is comprised of chiefsplanet members who have been called out, insulted or just generally annoyed with Ken and his mundane posts. Our reporter, Skippy McScooperson, sits down with the new head coach to discuss the upcoming season. ([i]Editor’s note:[/i] the team searched high for a coach ... but once they sobered up, they realized that looking low would be better. They tried to get Hank Stram to “ventriculate” out of retirement, but to no avail. So they got the next best thing: Stram’s toupee, Harry, who plans on being just as conspicuous on the sideline as he is on Hank’s head.) Part one in the series is about the off-season and the offense, part two on defense and part three on special teams and the gaggle of off-the-field personnel. [i]Skippy: First, I’d like to thank you for meeting with me, Harry.[/i] Harry: Not a problem. I was just lying around anyway. [i]S: (laughing) Well, let’s get to it, then. How do you feel you did in the offseason?[/i] H: We made some key acquisitions: [b]keg_in_kc[/b], [b]Aturnis[/b], [b]NFLFrank[/b] and others have really come in and made an immediate impact on the team. And the veterans haven’t let up either. It was a great offseason, overall. [i]S: Several players had offseason surgery and even a few injuries, like [b]Big Daddy[/b]’s shoulder. How is the recovery process going?[/i] H: Very well, very well. Actually, the biggest problem we’ve had is with our QB, [b]Mark M[/b]. [i]S: What is exactly was, or is, the nature of his injury?[/i] H: He’s got a bad case of [i]Packfanitis[/i], which is basically just an annoying and often intolerable pain in the a$$. Kind of like hemorrhoids, but less itchy, more hurty. [i]S: Didn’t [b]keg[/b] and [b]KCTitus[/b] have the same problem?[/i] H: Yes, they did. And as our #2 QB and starting left tackle, respectively, it’s important that they be healthy. They solved the problem by just ignoring their [i]Packfanitis[/i]. It seems to be working well. [i]S: You’ve installed a new offensive scheme. How are the players adjusting?[/i] H: Extremely well, Skip. Our O-line of [b]Titus[/b], [b]KCWolfman[/b], [b]Russ[/b], and [b]bishop74[/b], are doing a great job of getting in the way. And the center, [b]Cameron Diaz[/b] is making our QBs very, very happy. The wide receivers like [b]milkman[/b] (converted from RB), [b]KPhobia[/b], [b]JOhn[/b] and [b]Coryt[/b] are all running precise routes ... well, they’re getting past the line of scrimmage anyway. Once they do that, catching the ball is much easier. Of course, most can’t even catch a cab ... [i]S: And what about running back by committee? Is that finally over?[/i] H: Yes. We will give [b]Luz[/b] the ball in our normal set, [b]H_C Chief[/b] will be our third down back and [b]Bob Dole[/b] will be utilized in single back sets. [i]S: Um ... isn’t that the same thing?[/i] H: Not really. We like to call them “situational substitutions” rather than “running back by committee.” [i]S: So it’s just semantics?[/i] H: No. It’s just a different way of saying it. [i]S: Um ... [/i] H: What I’m really looking forward to is our kicking game. [b]Dartgod[/b] has been booming them in practice, kicking it over 60 yards. [i]S: But how about his accuracy?[/i] H: Well ... we’re still working on that. The fact he’s even making contact with the ball is a significant improvement. [i]S: And the tight ends?[/i] H: [b]dawsonpa[/b] still has one of the tightest around, if that’s what you mean. [b]tommykat[/b] is putting the pressure on her, though. As far as [b]Mark Kilgore[/b] goes, well ... he’s still working on tightening his end, as it were. [i]S: I see ... [/i] [b]Stay tuned ... tomorrow: Part 2—The Idiotic Defense[/b] MM ~~Really needs a hobby. Last edited by Mark M; 08-09-2001 at 11:42 AM..
Posts: 4,687

08-09-2001, 10:36 AM	#3
ptlyon Bono & Grbac wasn't enough Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Sioux City, IA Casino cash: $9393829	Excellent Mark... Especially the Tight Ends part :)
Posts: 40,731

08-09-2001, 10:42 AM	#4
Phobia Guest Casino cash: $	Excellant!
Posts: n/a

08-09-2001, 10:45 AM	#5
Lightning Rod Need a new title Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: Prairie Village Casino cash: $10004900	As the PR man I just wanted everyone to know that I have an ample supply of the acrylic goldfish filled platform shoes. That way you all can be cool in the team picture.
Posts: 1,151

08-09-2001, 10:48 AM	#6
Bwana It's Five O'Clock Somewhere Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Billings, Montana Casino cash: $2135993647	Rod as GM, I forbid anyone but myself to wear "goldfish shoes" and or fur coats! ;)
Posts: 70,476

08-09-2001, 10:19 AM	#2
Bwana It's Five O'Clock Somewhere Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Billings, Montana Casino cash: $2135993647	LMAO: Good Stuff Mark :D
Posts: 70,476

08-09-2001, 10:56 AM	#7
Lightning Rod Need a new title Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: Prairie Village Casino cash: $10004900	I understand why, As PR man I would be delinquent if I did not test out these fashion accessories. Gotta admit the Chicks dig-em. Was thinking some sort of a mink fedora might complete your Pimp-Daddy look, :)
Posts: 1,151

08-09-2001, 10:58 AM	#8
KCTitus Archivist Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: The Ethernet Casino cash: $9882732	Very funny, Mark. Well done. __________________ Anything you post on this BB can and will be used against you...
Posts: 26,199

08-09-2001, 11:01 AM	#9
keg in kc oxymoron Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: OP/KC/Whatever Casino cash: $9556299	Hah, I needed a good laugh... ...and for once, Mark delivered! ahahahah :p funny stuff
Posts: 58,682

08-09-2001, 11:04 AM	#10
Mark M What time is it? Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: You tell me ... Casino cash: $9884900	[quote]...and for once, Mark delivered! [/quote] Is this to imply that you do not always find me funny? ;) :p Thanks guys ... slow day here at work. Will try to get the Defensive side done tomorrow morning, and our Not-So-Special Teams this weekend. MM ~~Thinks he's funny all of the time. __________________ ChiefsPlanet -- n. The place where brilliant minds assemble to willfully pool ignorance with questionable logic in order to reach absurd conclusions.
Posts: 4,687

08-09-2001, 11:04 AM	#11
ExtremeChief Poser Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: BFE, MO Casino cash: $9991344	good stuff Mark...funny as usual :) __________________ When you wish upon a falling star, your dreams can come true. Unless it's really a meteorite hurtling to the Earth which will destroy all life. Then you're pretty much hosed no matter what you wish for. Unless it's death by meteor.
Posts: 2,354

08-09-2001, 11:30 AM	#12
bishop_74 Veteran Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Denver, CO. USA Casino cash: $8654993	-And the center, Cameron Diaz is making our QBs very, very happy. -S: So it’s just semantics? H: No. It’s just a different way of saying it. S: Um ... LOL! I am crying over here...
Posts: 3,642

08-09-2001, 11:32 AM	#13
htismaqe 'Tis my eye! Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Chiefsplanet Casino cash: $8179900	I can't wait to see the defense... I need to read it to figure out what I've been up to, I can't remember... :D
Posts: 104,293

08-09-2001, 11:42 AM	#14
Gaz Defense Homer Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Rancho Gaz Casino cash: $10010793	Too much fun! [font=Garamond][size=4] This was great! xoxo~ Gaz Saving this one for later re-reading. [/font][/size]
Posts: 5,911

08-09-2001, 11:52 AM	#15
Dartgod Wasted away again... Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: in Margaritaville Casino cash: $3750000	Re: All-Idiot Team Training Camp interview!! Must read! [QUOTE] H: What I’m really looking forward to is our kicking game. [b]Dartgod[/b] has been booming them in practice, kicking it over 60 yards. [i]S: But how about his accuracy?[/i] H: Well ... we’re still working on that. The fact he’s even making contact with the ball is a significant improvement.[/quote] Those Flubber shoes I invested in are really paying off. Very funny Mark! __________________ If you shed a tear for me, please make it a tear of joy. -Joe Tracy (Nzoner) . .
Posts: 52,187