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Old 04-29-2010, 08:51 PM   Topic Starter
Rain Man Rain Man is offline
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I LOVE MY MORTGAGE!!!!! LOVE IT!!!!
I walk home tonight, and the wife is at a meeting so I'm the first one home. I walk up the steps, walk up the other steps, and check the mailbox.

Four items in the mail. Since it was cold, I stepped into the house before looking. I set down my backpack, petted the cat, and took off my hat and coat. The cat meowed, so I petted him again.

And then came the exciting part. Opening the mail. What did I get today? Was it a letter from British colonists in India? Something with a Pony Express stamp on it that had been lost for 120 years after the rider was killed by Indians? (Sorry, oldandslow.) Maybe a letter with one of those stamps with the upside down plane?

Envelope 1 was an ad for LensCrafters, addressed to me. I recycled it.

Envelope 2 was an ad for LensCrafters, addressed to my wife. I recycled it.

Envelope 3 was an audit report for the time share we have. I recycled it.

Envelope 4 looked up at me from the counter. It was a classic white #9, with a windowed address label in front and a return address that said, "Mortgage Service Center" and a presorted meter postage.

There was something about the envelope that indicated seriousness. Perhaps it was the businesslike font. Perhaps it was the New Jersey return address. But I knew it was different. Something important.

I set the envelope down and studied it. Good news? Bad news? Possibly a well-designed ad for LensCrafters? I slowly ripped open the back and peeked in.

It was from my mortgage company. Probably not good news. Mortgage companies typically don't write with good news.

I opened up the single typewritten page, and breathed a sigh of relief. It was my annual escrow report, summarizing the monies I paid last year to handle taxes and insurance. Routine documentation.

But wait. What's this? My escrow account was overfunded last year! They're lowering my payment by $40 a month! $40 a month! It's like God just came down and gave me a free pizza every two weeks. A person could not get better news from his mortgage company!

But wait!

No!

NO!

NNNOOOOO WAY!

At the bottom of the letter was a perforated section. And under that perforation was a check. A check to me. For $503. It's as if I had a secret, non-interest-paying checking account that I'd forgotten about, or a really poor long-lost uncle who remembered me in his will.

$503. Can you believe that? I think we paid less than that for Alaska. I can cash this baby and go make it rain at Chili's, or buy 80 percent of that Amtrak pass, or commission 50 caricatures of myself at Six Flags. I'm rich! RICH!
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Old 04-29-2010, 08:54 PM   #2
Iowanian Iowanian is offline
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Old 04-29-2010, 08:57 PM   #3
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Old 04-29-2010, 09:00 PM   #4
Rain Man Rain Man is offline
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Hey, I just realized. My wife knows nothing about this check and isn't expecting it. If I cash it, she'll never know. I can tell her I found the Armani sweater in the bathroom at work.
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Last edited by Rain Man; 04-29-2010 at 09:23 PM..
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Old 04-29-2010, 09:08 PM   #5
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I think your cat knew you got a windfall. Probably wants a new belled mouse toy or something.
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Old 04-29-2010, 09:10 PM   #6
Red Dawg Red Dawg is offline
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u sick bastard! Love your mortage? Are you nuts?
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Old 04-29-2010, 09:12 PM   #7
Demonpenz Demonpenz is offline
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u sick bastard! Love your mortage? Are you nuts?
it's not uncommon for me to roll up my rent put a rubber band around it and **** it. Poor mans flesh light
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Old 04-29-2010, 09:11 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rain Man View Post
Hey, I just realized. My wife knows nothing about this check and isn't expecting it. If I cash it, she'll never know. I can tell her I found the Armani sweater in the bathrom at work.
OHHHH she will know, they can smell money AND fear!
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Old 04-29-2010, 09:25 PM   #9
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Hey, I just realized. My wife knows nothing about this check and isn't expecting it. If I cash it, she'll never know. I can tell her I found the Armani sweater in the bathroom at work.
And a blackmail opportunity falls right into my lap.
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Old 04-29-2010, 09:27 PM   #10
Rain Man Rain Man is offline
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Originally Posted by DaFace View Post
And a blackmail opportunity falls right into my lap.

Crap.
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Old 04-29-2010, 09:11 PM   #11
Demonpenz Demonpenz is offline
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all your hard work for being witty ....the cash cow has been slaughtered
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Old 04-29-2010, 09:19 PM   #12
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Old 04-29-2010, 09:21 PM   #13
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Old 04-29-2010, 09:29 PM   #14
Epic Fail 007 Epic Fail 007 is offline
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yea they just lowered mine by 10 cents,i mean wtf,lol why even tell me
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Old 04-29-2010, 09:29 PM   #15
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More seriously, we got something similar, though on a smaller scale. In our case, the value of our house went down in the past year due to all the economic crap, so our property taxes were a little lower. Definitely is nice to get a random check like that though.
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