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Old 01-06-2014, 05:42 PM   Topic Starter
Dante84 Dante84 is offline
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My Friends and I had a Funny Night Recently
My friends and I were bored the other night, so we drove around looking to get into trouble.

We saw this house with all the lights out and a bunch of newspapers piled up, so we figured the homeowners were out of town for the holidays. After a few minutes we decided to break in.

There were no dildos in the nightstands, so what was supposed to be a funny break-in became boring fast. We turned on the TV, and to our pleasant surprise, an awesome movie was on. We started watching Home Alone, and in the beginning, they are all eating pizza. We thought that sounded good, so we ordered delivery.

It was taking forever to arrive, and as the movie went further along, we laughed our hungry asses off about the "wet bandits."

We then decided it would be hilarious to ice down the driveway and sidewalk, so that the asshole who was taking forever with our damn pizza would slip and fall if he ever showed up.

Sure enough, the guy shows up, well over an hour late, and we huddled around to watch the magic. As he got closer to the porch, we realized this was no ordinary pizza delivery guy - it was country music legend Travis Tritt!

At this point we got nervous. Why would a celebrity be delivering a pizza? Was this some sort of low-budget reality show taping? Since we broke into the house, it would suck to be caught on camera. Our hearts were racing.

One of my friends piped up. "Don't worry, he won't slip. Travis Tritt is good at smelling T-R-O-U-B-L-E, and he will just knock and leave when we don't answer the door."

But Travis Tritt must have had a stuffy nose, because he did slip. Hard. He laid there for a good 20 minutes, while we switched between laughing hysterically and looking around for a camera crew to show up. When no cameras appeared, we agreed that it would be silly for Travis Tritt to be delivering a pizza, and so we just went out to check on the look-a-like.

He was mumbling about how he was going to sue, and how his hamstring hurt. His moans became so obnoxious that we just took the pizza and went back inside to enjoy Home Alone in peace. But the asshole kept moaning, so we had to turn the volume up to drown him out. He must have laid there for what seemed like forever.

After the movie ended, we cleaned up and left the house. The best part is, if that guy tries to sue, its sure going to suck for him since the homeowners were out of town and there's no evidence anyone was ever there.


Moral of the story: If your pizza is late, don't get mad. Get even.
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Old 01-06-2014, 05:42 PM   #2
Titty Meat Titty Meat is offline
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Old 01-06-2014, 05:46 PM   #3
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Old 01-06-2014, 05:47 PM   #4
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Old 01-06-2014, 05:48 PM   #5
EPodolak EPodolak is offline
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Explore the absent dildos aspect more next time you tell it.
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Old 01-06-2014, 05:59 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by EPodolak View Post
Explore the absent dildos aspect more next time you tell it.
I'm really curious why that was the first thing that he and his friends looked for.
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Old 01-06-2014, 06:10 PM   #7
Dante84 Dante84 is offline
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I'm really curious why that was the first thing that he and his friends looked for.
You haven't lived until you've gone on a dildo hunt in a strangers house.

It's even better when you whisper-sing to the tune of "going on a bear hunt, bear hunt, bear hunt!"
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Old 01-06-2014, 06:12 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by Dante84 View Post
You haven't lived until you've gone on a dildo hunt in a strangers house.

It's even better when you whisper-sing to the tune of "going on a bear hunt, bear hunt, bear hunt!"
I guess I could see finding one so you could slather some Ben Gay or tabasco on it. But that's the only reason.
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Old 01-06-2014, 06:22 PM   #9
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I guess I could see finding one so you could slather some Ben Gay or tabasco on it. But that's the only reason.
Use the dildo as a mortar (or is it pestle?) To grind up some dried ghost peppers. The oils will provide the heat without the tell tale smell of a Tabasco'd dildo.
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Old 01-06-2014, 05:54 PM   #10
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Old 01-06-2014, 06:11 PM   #11
cabletech94 cabletech94 is offline
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waiting for marty stuart part of the story.
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Old 01-06-2014, 06:53 PM   #12
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tl;dr -
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Old 01-06-2014, 07:02 PM   #13
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Old 01-06-2014, 07:06 PM   #14
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Old 01-06-2014, 07:13 PM   #15
Dante84 Dante84 is offline
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haha i love you all

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