Prayer Request I have created a new insect religion for mankind's benefit.

**Rain Man** · 07-18-2019, 10:19 AM

On my way to work today, I noticed a small movement on the sidewalk. As I approached, I realized that it was a bug that had somehow gotten turned upside down. It was wiggling its little arms and legs (or maybe they're all legs) helplessly, but it had no chance of righting itself.

After a moment of thought, I moved my shoe to a strategic location, and flipped the bug. While there was some skidding involved that was probably less than pleasant, the bug eventually got turned upright.

The implications of this are profound from the bug's perspective. Think about it - due to some bad Darwinian design, you're doomed. You're upside down, your thorax is exposed, and your carapace is too heavy to right yourself. Spiders and ants and wasps are inevitably bearing down on you. Your life, all two weeks of it, are flashing before your compound eye stalks.

And then suddenly out of the blue, a giant being appears, so large that you can't even see the top of it. A massive, mountain-sized foot moves toward you. But instead of crushing you, it benevolently flips you back to safety and then disappears swiftly over the horizon.

People, this is how religions are born.

If you're that bug, you now believe that there's a giant being out there looking out for you. You love the giant being. The giant being is your friend.
You're going to preach that gospel to other bugs, and you're going to tell them not to buzz the giant beings. Don't fly into their noses, don't drown yourself in their drinks. You're going to convert other bugs with your story, and peace will come in our time. People and bugs will live together in harmony.

You're welcome.

Hog's Gone Fishin · 07-18-2019, 10:24 AM

I want to thank you for saving potential fish bait.

Thanks Rainman!

Chiefshrink · 07-18-2019, 10:31 AM

Jesus has flipped me over and saved my life. What about you Rain Man ?

Pitt Gorilla · 07-18-2019, 10:30 AM

You’re good from here on out. If something bad happens to bug (or other bugs), they deserved it for sinning. If something good happens, Rainman be praised!

Will be interested to see how you handle bugs thanking you for bug-related sporting event wins.

highBOLTage · 07-19-2019, 05:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pitt Gorilla

You’re good from here on out. If something bad happens to bug (or other bugs), they deserved it for sinning. If something good happens, Rainman be praised!

Will be interested to see how you handle bugs thanking you for bug-related sporting event wins.

100% chance this bug goes on to be the Hitler of its kind. Thanks Rainman!

Jerok · 07-18-2019, 10:31 AM

Dear lord when is training camp?

Mennonite · 07-18-2019, 10:31 AM

Judgement Day for non-believers:

upload

ClevelandBronco · 07-18-2019, 10:31 AM

If only we were better at doing the same for people.

Mennonite · 07-18-2019, 10:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ClevelandBronco

If only we were better at doing the same for people.

Speak for yourself. I've kicked countless people I've found sleeping on sidewalks. And without even a word of thanks mind you.

Yosef_Malkovitch · 07-18-2019, 10:35 AM

I used to think that bugs got flipped over and died as a result. Then I read an article talking about how the bugs are usually dying already, and as a result they turn over. (Because they no longer have the strength to remain upright.) That's why so many bugs end up flipped over again almost as soon as you right them.

That bug from this morning? Probably dead before you even typed this.

Mennonite · 07-18-2019, 10:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yosef_Malkovitch

That bug from this morning? Probably dead before you even typed this.

Thoughts and prayers.

Tonka83 · 07-18-2019, 10:52 AM

I saw a show on bugs the other day. Well, there's this one species of bug that crawls trees. Somehow or another at the top of this tree is a female - but there are many male bugs on the tree limbs and crawling as well. So there is this one pretty cool bug and he want to get up top to hook up with the female bug. He meets one male bug on the way up and immediately body slams him off of the tree, then is attacked by another, so he powerbombs this one off the tree as well. Almost there. Now he reaches the female and her claws are no match so he bangs her from behind. Then for some reason he threw her off the tree as well, I laughed so hard, but this is how you meet women. they might have money and think they are smart but in fact you are the dominant species and if you don't show it or act on it, you will never score.

Mennonite · 07-18-2019, 11:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tonka83

they are smart but in fact you are the dominant species and if you don't show it or act on it, you will never score.

Yeah, but what if I don't want to **** a bug?

ClevelandBronco · 07-18-2019, 11:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mennonite

Yeah, but what if I don't want to **** a bug?

****ing a bug might be your only chance in life to have a penis that's not too small, dude.

**Rain Man** · 07-18-2019, 11:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mennonite

Yeah, but what if I don't want to **** a bug?

I got turned down once at closing time by a praying mantis. That was a close call.

07-18-2019, 10:19 AM	Topic Starter
Rain Man Seize life. Be an ermine. Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: My house Casino cash: $-482449 VARSITY	I have created a new insect religion for mankind's benefit. On my way to work today, I noticed a small movement on the sidewalk. As I approached, I realized that it was a bug that had somehow gotten turned upside down. It was wiggling its little arms and legs (or maybe they're all legs) helplessly, but it had no chance of righting itself. After a moment of thought, I moved my shoe to a strategic location, and flipped the bug. While there was some skidding involved that was probably less than pleasant, the bug eventually got turned upright. The implications of this are profound from the bug's perspective. Think about it - due to some bad Darwinian design, you're doomed. You're upside down, your thorax is exposed, and your carapace is too heavy to right yourself. Spiders and ants and wasps are inevitably bearing down on you. Your life, all two weeks of it, are flashing before your compound eye stalks. And then suddenly out of the blue, a giant being appears, so large that you can't even see the top of it. A massive, mountain-sized foot moves toward you. But instead of crushing you, it benevolently flips you back to safety and then disappears swiftly over the horizon. People, this is how religions are born. If you're that bug, you now believe that there's a giant being out there looking out for you. You love the giant being. The giant being is your friend. You're going to preach that gospel to other bugs, and you're going to tell them not to buzz the giant beings. Don't fly into their noses, don't drown yourself in their drinks. You're going to convert other bugs with your story, and peace will come in our time. People and bugs will live together in harmony. You're welcome.
Posts: 145,278

07-18-2019, 10:24 AM	#2
Hog's Gone Fishin Fish are scared of me Join Date: Nov 2001 Casino cash: $-1449523	I want to thank you for saving potential fish bait. Thanks Rainman!
Posts: 40,646

07-18-2019, 10:30 AM	#4
Pitt Gorilla Banned! Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: NOT Columbia, MO 65201 Casino cash: $30194	You’re good from here on out. If something bad happens to bug (or other bugs), they deserved it for sinning. If something good happens, Rainman be praised! Will be interested to see how you handle bugs thanking you for bug-related sporting event wins. __________________ Your son is a bench warmer because of your weak genetics not because of the coach Norlin Mommsen is disgusting.
Posts: 47,336

07-18-2019, 10:31 AM	#6
Jerok Veteran Join Date: Sep 2013 Casino cash: $3574092	Dear lord when is training camp?
Posts: 2,420

07-18-2019, 10:31 AM	#7
Mennonite Veteran Join Date: Jun 2014 Casino cash: $10258572	Judgement Day for non-believers: upload
Posts: 3,378

07-18-2019, 10:31 AM	#8
ClevelandBronco I'm with the banned. Join Date: Sep 2006 Casino cash: $5658955	If only we were better at doing the same for people. __________________ "Faith and reason are like two wings on which the human spirit rises to the contemplation of truth ..." – Pope Saint John Paul II
Posts: 28,113	1 0

07-18-2019, 10:35 AM	#10
Yosef_Malkovitch The Lurkiest Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Wichita, KS. Casino cash: $2655999	I used to think that bugs got flipped over and died as a result. Then I read an article talking about how the bugs are usually dying already, and as a result they turn over. (Because they no longer have the strength to remain upright.) That's why so many bugs end up flipped over again almost as soon as you right them. That bug from this morning? Probably dead before you even typed this. __________________ Lurking since 2008
Posts: 2,757

07-18-2019, 10:52 AM	#12
Tonka83 Starter Join Date: Oct 2012 Location: Smithville MO Casino cash: $4256429	I saw a show on bugs the other day. Well, there's this one species of bug that crawls trees. Somehow or another at the top of this tree is a female - but there are many male bugs on the tree limbs and crawling as well. So there is this one pretty cool bug and he want to get up top to hook up with the female bug. He meets one male bug on the way up and immediately body slams him off of the tree, then is attacked by another, so he powerbombs this one off the tree as well. Almost there. Now he reaches the female and her claws are no match so he bangs her from behind. Then for some reason he threw her off the tree as well, I laughed so hard, but this is how you meet women. they might have money and think they are smart but in fact you are the dominant species and if you don't show it or act on it, you will never score.
Posts: 629