Life One of my colleagues from college married a former student of his - Page 4

**RealSNR** · 02:08 PM

I found this out via facebook.

I went to grad school with this guy. We were acquaintances, but never really friends. Ideal facebook friends, in other words.

He got a job teaching at a college. In his first year he would have taught her when she was a freshman. She's two years removed from being his student. He's 12 years older than her.

There's nothing immoral about this, but am I wrong in thinking this is just a taaaaad bit creepy?

I mean, if they were doing this the right/moral way, they wouldn't have had any romantic involvement with each other whatsoever two years ago. Meaning they had two years to decide they wanted to elevate the mentor/mentoree relationship to something intimate. Then they had to get engaged and married. All in two years. That's it. Two years.

Whatevs. They're happy, I guess. Just... oh who am I kidding. That's gross. That's ****ing gross. It's weird and disgusting and I don't like it. Blech.

EDIT: Not that this matters since the conversation is dying down now, but to be clear my issue with the relationship is NOT about age. She could go marry a 100-year old incontinent man. I don't give a shit. My issue is that there was very likely stuff going on between them while he was still her professor. No, it's not a big deal to me. It's just off-putting and sets off the alarm.

The next person who posts, "there's nothing wrong with that my dad was 34 years older than my mom..." gets a big fat **** you.

Dayze · 07-01-2012, 02:53 AM

I 100% agree. wait...wut?

Mojo Jojo · 07-01-2012, 04:38 AM

One of my best friends in grade school parents met while he was the college teacher and she was his student. Ironic thing....my former mother in law was class mates with her at that time.

BillSelfsTrophycase · 07-01-2012, 04:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dayze

pics or GTFO

This

Cheater5 · 07-01-2012, 07:12 AM

Meh. No big deal really. Two adults when they met, and two adults when they wed. This isn't like he was bird-dogging this chick when she was underage, and just biding his time.

LVNHACK · 07-01-2012, 07:24 AM

Really...who gives a **** ?

Lbedrock1 · 07-01-2012, 07:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SNR

It seems very unlikely to me that these two wouldn't have been porking on the side when she was his student. In those two years she was doing her grad work (in the same field) at Texas-Austin while he was back teaching in Iowa. Meaning in order to foster a relationship in between breaks for the both of them, they must have decided to be romantically involved before then. Because part of those two years also involved planning out a wedding.

Okay, now I sound like the creep for being nosy in the details, but I'm not the only one from my graduating class who knew this guy who thinks this is a little funky. A few of my old friends even called me up to say "WTF?"

It really make you seem super creepy that this bothers you. Decades ago men would marry 13 year olds which was creepy, but you would not be here if that didn't happen back then. This is a good way to Look at it. If they are grown and are not hurting anyone it is their busy stop worrying about other grown people's business. You seem like the creepy one when u do.

-King- · 07-01-2012, 08:23 AM

There is a lot of typing being done in this thread.
Posted via Mobile Device

**RealSNR** · 07-01-2012, 08:29 AM

It's not the age that concerns me. How many times has that been said now?

Ceej · 07-01-2012, 08:40 AM

I'm seeing a lot of words I dont think CPers use in real life!

58-4ever · 07-01-2012, 09:20 AM

I think it's more creepy that you're Facebook stalking an acquaintance and the "creepy" factor is actually jealousy..

**Bwana** · 07-01-2012, 09:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 58-4ever

I think it's more creepy that you're Facebook stalking an acquaintance and the "creepy" factor is actually jealousy..

Just one more reason I say **** you, to Facebook.

Frazod · 07-01-2012, 09:27 AM

Meh. I'm eight years older than my wife.

**cdcox** · 07-01-2012, 09:43 AM

Teachers shouldn't date their students, regardless of the ages of the participants, for obvious reasons. Any one who thinks otherwise is just wrong from an ethical perspective.

Basically the relationship needs to stay professional until the faculty member no longer has the ability to influence, either positively or negatively, the student's academic career. After the student finishes the class, graduates from the department, and the power imbalance and temptations to show favoritism are completely removed, ethical concerns are less but could persist in certain cases. For example, using ones influence with peers to assist the career of the protege is out of bounds and the ability to do so could persist for years.

Obviously student-faculty relationships don't always happen this way. Most administrators are hesitant to sanction a faculty member unless it is a sexual harassment situation, although I am aware of cases of consensual faculty-student relationships where sanctions were given.

In a case where the couple ends up in long term committed relationship after the student-faculty relationship has ended, I am personally willing to consider the reprehensibly and ethically bankrupt indiscretions of the past to be in the category of "let bygones be bygones".

**Gonzo** · 07-01-2012, 09:55 AM

Heh, I guess I need to be careful when I post in one of the car help threads about blowing a tranny in my pickup, huh?

SPATCH · 07-01-2012, 10:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cdcox

Teachers shouldn't date their students, regardless of the ages of the participants, for obvious reasons. Any one who thinks otherwise is just wrong from an ethical perspective.

I agree, in principle, with this policy. However, I regard human love as an extremely complex phenomenon, and one that transcends bullshit "policies" and "ethical perspectives" and what not. Good on them that they were able to wait two years after the teacher-student thing. Shame on OP and the rest of you for judging them.

Intelligent people talk about ideas. Average people talk about things. Small people talk about other people.

Their love is not of your concern.

07-01-2012, 12:11 AM
RealSNR Special Teams ACE!!! Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Where the hell is SNR Casino cash: $-1304792	One of my colleagues from college married a former student of his I found this out via facebook. I went to grad school with this guy. We were acquaintances, but never really friends. Ideal facebook friends, in other words. He got a job teaching at a college. In his first year he would have taught her when she was a freshman. She's two years removed from being his student. He's 12 years older than her. There's nothing immoral about this, but am I wrong in thinking this is just a taaaaad bit creepy? I mean, if they were doing this the right/moral way, they wouldn't have had any romantic involvement with each other whatsoever two years ago. Meaning they had two years to decide they wanted to elevate the mentor/mentoree relationship to something intimate. Then they had to get engaged and married. All in two years. That's it. Two years. Whatevs. They're happy, I guess. Just... oh who am I kidding. That's gross. That's **ing gross. It's weird and disgusting and I don't like it. Blech. EDIT: Not that this matters since the conversation is dying down now, but to be clear my issue with the relationship is NOT about age. She could go marry a 100-year old incontinent man. I don't give a shit. My issue is that there was very likely stuff going on between them while he was still her professor. No, it's not a big deal to me. It's just off-putting and sets off the alarm. The next person who posts, "there's nothing wrong with that my dad was 34 years older than my mom..." gets a big fat ** you. Last edited by RealSNR; 07-01-2012 at 02:08 PM..
Posts: 93,278

07-01-2012, 02:53 AM	#46
Dayze Resident Glue Sniffer Join Date: Nov 2003 Casino cash: $1959358	I 100% agree. wait...wut?
Posts: 37,451

07-01-2012, 04:38 AM	#47
Mojo Jojo Veteran Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Johnson County Casino cash: $10013802	One of my best friends in grade school parents met while he was the college teacher and she was his student. Ironic thing....my former mother in law was class mates with her at that time.
Posts: 3,341

07-01-2012, 07:12 AM	#49
Cheater5 Veteran Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Folly Beach, SC Casino cash: $1557550	Meh. No big deal really. Two adults when they met, and two adults when they wed. This isn't like he was bird-dogging this chick when she was underage, and just biding his time.
Posts: 3,338

07-01-2012, 07:24 AM	#50
LVNHACK MVP Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Baghdad Casino cash: $10004925	Really...who gives a **** ? __________________ Bleach really should be used in the gene pool Some people grow up, some just grow old.
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07-01-2012, 08:23 AM	#52
-King- ▓▓▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▓▓ Join Date: Jan 2009 Casino cash: $-1194257	There is a lot of typing being done in this thread. Posted via Mobile Device
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07-01-2012, 08:40 AM	#54
Ceej BOOM!1! Join Date: Aug 2004 Casino cash: $6755541	I'm seeing a lot of words I dont think CPers use in real life!
Posts: 19,219

07-01-2012, 09:20 AM	#55
58-4ever The Collective Unconscious Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: The OP Casino cash: $9450422	I think it's more creepy that you're Facebook stalking an acquaintance and the "creepy" factor is actually jealousy..
Posts: 10,436

07-01-2012, 09:27 AM	#57
Frazod Did you hear what I said? Join Date: Aug 2000 Casino cash: $-556615	Meh. I'm eight years older than my wife.
Posts: 121,705

07-01-2012, 09:43 AM	#58
cdcox www.nfl-forecast.com Join Date: Sep 2000 Casino cash: $-458231	Teachers shouldn't date their students, regardless of the ages of the participants, for obvious reasons. Any one who thinks otherwise is just wrong from an ethical perspective. Basically the relationship needs to stay professional until the faculty member no longer has the ability to influence, either positively or negatively, the student's academic career. After the student finishes the class, graduates from the department, and the power imbalance and temptations to show favoritism are completely removed, ethical concerns are less but could persist in certain cases. For example, using ones influence with peers to assist the career of the protege is out of bounds and the ability to do so could persist for years. Obviously student-faculty relationships don't always happen this way. Most administrators are hesitant to sanction a faculty member unless it is a sexual harassment situation, although I am aware of cases of consensual faculty-student relationships where sanctions were given. In a case where the couple ends up in long term committed relationship after the student-faculty relationship has ended, I am personally willing to consider the reprehensibly and ethically bankrupt indiscretions of the past to be in the category of "let bygones be bygones".
Posts: 46,032