Man: Female Jogger Defecates Next To My House...Repeatedly

[journeyscarab]

http://www.breitbart.com/InstaBlog/2...medium=twitter

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. - A Nob Hill man is hoping that surveillance footage will lead to the identification of a female jogger who has been repeatedly defecating next to his home while out on her morning runs. The man told reporters that he thought it was a one time occurrence and that the culprit was a homeless person. But video footage shows the culprit to be a young female jogger who has conducted her business at least four times...the first being on Easter Sunday.

The man says that she always strikes on weekend mornings. He also claims to be the victim of "malicious fecal distribution."

Strangely enough, the man has not contacted police, fearing that they won't take the complaint seriously, but is hoping news coverage might pressure her to stop. If she doesn't, he may take matters into his own hands: "If it happens again, I'm going to run out there with a hose and hose her down and say, 'Bad human!,'" he said.

The good news here is that the female jogger appears to be regular...which is nice.

[Saul Good]

Originally Posted by loochy

Want to meet hotties? Go to 5ks.

I ran one in 23:45 yesterday...my personal best.

[Molitoth]

Nevermind, found one.

[KCUnited]

My old building had a pretty nice gym in it. I would go down and workout early in mornings and the only other person in there was 7.5 red head. She'd be on an elliptical with a continous, gag inducing stench of shit coming out of her ass, every morning. She never walked off to use the can or anything, just kept letting them fly. It was amazing how few ****s she gave about it. I broke down and bought a gym membership because I couldn't take it.

[loochy]

Originally Posted by Saul Good

I ran one in 23:45 yesterday...my personal best.

good job dood

what age bracket are you in? I run around that time and it used to be good enough to place in the 25-30 age group. Since I moved up to the 30-35 age group, I never place. There are lots of fast runners in this group.

[loochy]

Originally Posted by KCUnited

My old building had a pretty nice gym in it. I would go down and workout early in mornings and the only other person in there was 7.5 red head. She'd be on an elliptical with a continous, gag inducing stench of shit coming out of her ass, every morning. She never walked off to use the can or anything, just kept letting them fly. It was amazing how few ****s she gave about it. I broke down and bought a gym membership because I couldn't take it.

I encourage my wife to do this when creepers come near, but she won't heed my advice.

[ThaVirus]

Originally Posted by KCUnited

My old building had a pretty nice gym in it. I would go down and workout early in mornings and the only other person in there was 7.5 red head. She'd be on an elliptical with a continous, gag inducing stench of shit coming out of her ass, every morning. She never walked off to use the can or anything, just kept letting them fly. It was amazing how few ****s she gave about it. I broke down and bought a gym membership because I couldn't take it.

That's just weird.

Isn't your digestive system supposed to slow down a bit when you engage in physical activity? I feel like your adrenal system should shut it down a bit.

[KCUnited]

Originally Posted by loochy

I encourage my wife to do this when creepers come near, but she won't heed my advice.

It can be an effective technique. I was swimming laps at the gym on Monday and through the glass, I saw this obvious anorexic chick on an elliptical come to a stop, dig in her ass, smell her hand, walk to the locker room and return a few minutes later to take up shop on a stairmaster right next to my wife. I swam a few more laps and when I came up I noticed my wife had moved on. She was convinced ol girl pooped them.

[Saul Good]

Originally Posted by loochy

good job dood

what age bracket are you in? I run around that time and it used to be good enough to place in the 25-30 age group. Since I moved up to the 30-35 age group, I never place. There are lots of fast runners in this group.

I just turned 35...started running at age 34. Yesterday was the shortest run I've done in months. I set a personal best running 4.5 miles the day before, and my body felt worn down yesterday. If I take a couple of days off, I think I can get down into the 22s.

[KCUnited]

Originally Posted by ThaVirus

That's just weird.

Isn't your digestive system supposed to slow down a bit when you engage in physical activity? I feel like your adrenal system should shut it down a bit.

Yeah, it was odd. It wasn't like she was doing yoga or something. Occasionly, someone else would show up and we would exchange that awkward "that ain't me, man" glance. I convinced myself she probably had IBS or something.

[loochy]

Originally Posted by ThaVirus

That's just weird.

Isn't your digestive system supposed to slow down a bit when you engage in physical activity? I feel like your adrenal system should shut it down a bit.

Lots of people get the craps when they run distance. Something about the continuous rhythmic bumping of a run makes you go. Before you run you need to make sure you are completely empty.

[Saul Good]

Originally Posted by ThaVirus

That's just weird.

Isn't your digestive system supposed to slow down a bit when you engage in physical activity? I feel like your adrenal system should shut it down a bit.

Not at all. It's called "runner's runs". It doesn't happen to me, but it's pretty common.

[tooge]

the Nob Hill Crapper strikes again.

[Saul Good]

I have to admit...the surveillance camera footage is pretty impressive. She does her business in about three seconds flat and goes right back to running.

[Dragonocho]

something smells wrong about all this

[ToxSocks]

i'd hit it.